Archive for spinning your wheels
5 Essential Boundary Making Tips
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How are you allowing others to set limits on your time and resources? Are you still taking on more and more tasks when your plate is already running over?
To keep from rocking the boat, what things are you doing that you would rather not? Taking your precious time to run an errand for someone just because they asked is not a way to show you have strong boundaries around YOUR time.
How jam packed is your schedule with the many things you “have to” do for your friends and family that don’t leave time for YOU? There are very few things you “have” to do. Replace “I have to” with “I choose to”…You always have the choice to determine how you spend your time, energy and resources.
What stories do you tell yourself supporting the hamster wheel life (running and running but getting nowhere fast)? Is your story one of scarcity, limits and procrastination?
If you are like most women, you can identify with at least some of the above statements. Most of us are adept at giving and doing for others but fall short when it comes to ourselves.
Use the following tips to start doing the things you love, setting healthy boundaries and creating the balance to enjoy your life:
- Relinquish the notion that you can do all, be all to everyone in your life. You are not superwoman. When you don’t set your own boundaries, you open the floodgates to more stress, anxiety and frustration by letting others set limits on your time and resources. Instead of keeping the peace, you’re really teaching other people that they have the power to determine how, when and what you spend your time doing.
- Revise the expectations you place on yourself – Look at where the expectations come from. Are they cultural, family defined or self imposed? For example, maybe you grew up believing that it’s better to give than receive and consequently, you give, give and give yet have difficulty receiving (i.e., compliments, gifts). Don’t let someone else’s expectations become your reality.
- Be spontaneous – You don’t have to know every detail before taking action. When you spend precious time trying to figure out every possible outcome to the decisions you make, you are actually agonizing over things you have no control of. Sometimes, you just have to make a decision and just go with it. If it turns out you could have made a better choice, revise or change your approach.
- If you are trying to find ways to avoid some people in your life or you are constantly complaining about them, then it may be time to revisit the virtues of that relationship. Sometimes people are in your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Re-evaluate your relationships with these people and set some firm boundaries about how and when you want them to participate in your life.
- Get off the back burner – Putting your needs and desires on the back burner while everyone else gets front and center, sends the message that your needs are not as important. Making yourself a priority lets other people know you value yourself, your time and your resources.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
About the Author:
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist. Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries, build balance and create breathing space into their busy lives.
Spinning Wheels Get you Nowhere Fast
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Chugging along continuously, feeling just like a hamster on a wheel – spinning, spinning but going nowhere fast. That’s how a lot of women feel.
I often hear women say, “there’s just not enough hours in the day”, “where did the time go”, “it seems the more I do, the less I get done” and my favorite, “I just need more time to get everything done”. Have you ever found yourself saying any of these things?
How do you slow down the spinning wheels of your life? Most women place time high on the priority list of what they want. The reality is we all have the same 1440 minutes or 24 hours in a day. It’s more about how you use the time you do have versus the amount of time available.
When you believe you must handle everything yourself or it won’t get done (at least not the way you want it done), or it must be done just so and no one can do things that satisfy you, then what you are really looking for is control and perfection. No one (including you) is perfect. Your dinner party does not have to rival a Martha Stewart event. After all, she has staff to perform a multitude of tasks; she delegates and uses the resources available to her.
Oops, I used the “d” word. Usually when I suggest that women delegate, they think about delegating inside the cubicle of family. Step outside the box for a moment and look at the things you do on a daily basis, things you enjoy doing, things you absolute wish didn’t exist and the things that you don’t love doing but do not create anxiety for you. Think about who you can use as a resource. If you are stuck, consider some of the following to get you going:
Laundry - If laundry is interfering with your personal time and it’s not something you enjoy doing, investigate one of the wash and fold laundry services. You can either drop your clothes off or some services will pick up and deliver. How much time would that free up for you?
Housecleaning – Is housecleaning just another chore that eats away at the time you could be using for other pursuits? Why not consider having someone who enjoys this work do it for you? And, don’t use the excuse, “I can’t afford it” – remember the law of attraction – if you think you can’t afford it, you can’t.
Grocery shopping – Are you aware that a lot of supermarkets deliver and you can order via the internet? This just may be the time you need to exercise or join a class.
Yard work – Mowing the lawn and other weekend chores may be getting in the way of spending quality time with your family or taking time to pursue pleasurable activities for yourself. If so, you may want to enlist a high school or college student to mow the lawn instead of hiring a lawn service. Maybe there’s a master gardener class held in your community. Often, these students need to earn hours by doing gardening work.
Use these tips to free up more time to do the things you want most.
Please feel free to leave your comment below on how you slow down and get off the hamster wheel
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson, founder of Coach for YOUR Dreams, is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping nurses, teachers, therapists and other care giving women to set limits so they have more time, and energy to devote to self-care.