Archive for Self-Care Practices
Loosen Your Grip on Time
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Time is a precious commodity just like gold or diamonds. But, we don’t always value our time the same as we do for something we can reach out and touch. We say, we waste time, kill time, make time and hold onto time. And, we think time flies as fast as a 747. We never seem to have enough of it or we have too much.
Yet, we are all given the same gift of 24 of hours or 1440 minutes in a 24-hour period.
So, how are you using this valuable gift?
I started to think about how I spend my time recently when one of my subscribers said, “I have to loosen my grip on my time”. I wasn’t quite sure what she meant by that so I asked.
This is part of the answer she gave me:
“We must loosen our grip on our time and minds by letting go of what no longer serves us”…
The more I thought about what she said, the more I realized how much time I spend playing my favorite game, Chuzzle or flitting from website to website when I could be doing something much more productive.
Here are some ideas to loosen your grip on time:
- Re-evaluate your priorities – Are you focusing on how much you have to do with little time to complete your tasks? Do you want to paint the bathroom, rearrange the cupboards or spend quality time with your family? Only you can decide what’s most important to you and how much you can accomplish within a given time frame. Set realistic priorities on your time and energy to avoid overwhelm.
- Eliminate unnecessary interruptions – Chit chat is a great way to unwind and catch up with friends. But if you’re spending hours on the phone, perhaps you could reduce the time you talk on the phone or simply turn off the ringer so you can accomplish one of the goals you’ve set for yourself.
- Perform a mind cleanse – Whenever you’re feeling like you’re running out of time, stop for a few minutes to clear the cobwebs clinging to your brain. It my sound counterproductive, but taking a few minutes to unwind will give you the energy boost you need to continue the tasks at hand.
Maybe you don’t play games, surf the web endlessly or spend your time talking on the phone, but I’ll bet you can easily think of some ways you can use your 1440 minutes doing something more productive and rewarding.
How do you loosen your grip on time? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.
Gladys M. Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
Personal Boundary Success Tips
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Your relationships are mirror images of the view you have of yourself and are a direct reflection of the relationships you have in your life. You are an integral part of any relationship and the role you play is crucial as to whether or not your relationships are successful, healthy, thriving or unhealthy and withering. Without relationships in your life, you would not know what upsets you, what excites you, when to make a choice that’s in your best interest or what things trigger an automatic negative or positive response in you. That’s why it’s important to set strong boundaries around what you will do, accept, and give.
“Without a strong concept of your boundaries, you can easily react and respond in ways that don’t honor the person you truly are”
You may see some of these behaviors displayed when you or someone you know doesn’t have strong boundaries:
- Appearing timid and fearful in unfamiliar settings
- Constantly “busy” with rarely any time to take care of yourself
- Agreeing to do things out of guilt even when you’re screaming “NO” inside
- Generously gives of her time and energy but has difficulty receiving compliments or gifts from others
- Often says, “I don’t know” or “It doesn’t matter” when faced with making a choice/decision
- Worries about making mistakes or overly concerned with what others will think of her
Any of the above behaviors are merely smoke screens to hide the fact that boundaries are weak. To clear the fog, here are some personal boundary success tips you can use to replace weak boundary behaviors:
- Focus on your resources, gifts, talents and abilities. List all the things you’ve been able to accomplish. This is your success sheet. By focusing on your past successes, you build confidence and are motivated to try something new.
- Spend some time in quiet reflection to think about what you want to attract into your life. It may be easier at first to list all the things you don’t want and then turn them into positive things you do want.
- Learn to accept compliments/gifts graciously. Don’t say, “you shouldn’t have” or “this old thing – I’ve had it forever”. Simply, say, “thank you” and nothing else. You may have to practice refraining from embellishment a few times until you get comfortable accepting gifts and compliments graciously.
- Whenever there’s a slip up in setting your boundaries, look at it as a learning opportunity and move on. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you recognize the mistake and grow from it.
- Acknowledge all feelings – anger, sadness, anxiety, fear, and depression. All of your feelings are valid. Either confide in a trusted friend or write your thoughts in a journal so that they don’t linger on them and allow them to derail your efforts.
- Avoid negative self-talk. Don’t call yourself “lazy”, “stupid, or say things like, “I never do anything right, I’m such a screw up”. Your words become your thoughts and your thoughts become your actions. So, be careful of the words you use so that the words you say to yourself don’t become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your personal boundary is the foundation for every relationship, interaction and reaction you have. Strong personal boundaries lay the groundwork for how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you. To learn more about boundaries, I invite you to join our self-care circle and get your FREE special report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys M. Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
Step Out Boldly with Confidence, Courage and Clarity
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You can easily learn to live with confidence, courage and clarity by simply putting into practice some new ways of thinking about the messages you’ve internalized that prevent you from living life to the fullest.
Imagine constantly hearing the message, “children should be seen and not heard”? That’s a message that shuts down creativity, self-expression and pushes your confidence level down deeper than a ship sunken at the bottom of the ocean.
I certainly heard that along with a lot of other limiting messages. But, the good news is I no longer carry the burden of limitation, doubt and fear.
And, you don’t have to either.
You may not have experienced such a shut down as this but many people have. And that ultimately leads to a lack of confidence, fear and a profound hesitancy to express your feelings or ask for what you want.
Fortunately, that kind of thinking has become obsolete (at least I certainly hope so).
I’ve learned to counter those negative messages and teach countless women to overcome fear, self doubt so they can live with confidence, courage and clarity.
And, here are some tips you can use to step boldly into the life you want and deserve:
- Crush Fear At Its Root – Fear is what keeps you stuck in a mindset of limitation, doubt and uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations where you don’t know the outcome. You may not know the outcome of an experience but take the first step anyway. When you do what you are afraid of or uncomfortable doing, you will triumph over fear every time.
- Be Open To Possibilities – You have unlimited possibilities available to you every day to pursue your dreams and live fulfilled and meaningful lives. Brainstorm ways to tap into the possibilities available to you.
- Stop Making Excuses – Excuses prevent you from living life out loud with courage, confidence and clarity and keeps you from moving forward. Banish excuses and replace them with what is possible.
- Repeat Positive Affirmations – Affirmations will lift your spirit and build your confidence level. For example, “I receive confidence and self-assurance as often as I need it”; “I am open to limitless possibilities”.
- Encourage Yourself Often – Give yourself a pat on the back or a gold star every time you open up to a new possibility, or do something you fear. Doing so builds the confidence you need to try something new and different.
- Make informed choices and stick to your decision – Once you are sure of what’s best for YOU, choices become easier because you’re not trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or looking for validation or acceptance.
No matter what experiences you’ve had that zapped your confidence, has you stuck in fear or uncertain about what steps to take next, you can begin today to make changes that will greatly enhance your life. A great way to start living with courage, confidence and clarity is by getting my free special report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys M. Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
How to Build Resilient Relationships
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The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. Relationships with partners, family, friends and colleagues all hinge on the one you develop with yourself.
When your inner relationship suffers, all other connections fall short of being as effective as they could be.
For example:
- Feeling undeserving will prevent you from experiencing the joy and happiness you are worthy of.
- Fearfulness keeps you stuck and connected to people and behaviors that create negativity and doubt into your life.
- You may allow others to make decisions for you based on a faulty belief that your ideas and thoughts will be rejected.
A strong foundation of confidence and self-worth are the building blocks to relationship building with yourself and others. And if, on occasion, you feel you don’t deserve goodness and happiness, the feeling is short lived when you are resilient and can bounce back to your true self.
Here are some ways you can spark a resilient relationship:
- Choose to speak up and boldly ask for what you want.
- Cultivate the belief that you deserve happiness, joy, prosperity and abundance in your life.
- Let go of negative, energy draining people and situations.
- Detach your emotional energy from pessimism and the exhausting demands on your time and power.
- Be open to attract more positive interactions and circumstances in your life.
- Replace faulty beliefs about how you are perceived with confidence building affirmations.
- Acknowledge and appreciate your accomplishments without waiting for validation, approval and acceptance from others.
- Establish strong limits around what is acceptable, what you are willing to do and how much you can comfortably give.
And, if you are ready to build a resilient relationships in your life, you may want to start with your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
What’s in Your Self-Care Toolbox?
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What’s in your self-care toolbox? Just as you have physical tools to complete tasks and projects, you also use tools that help you maintain your self-care.
You probably have a computer, smartphone, e-reader or other tool that you use to stay organized, focused, entertained and on track. These are the same tools that once were considered faddish, sophisticated or out of reach for the average user.
Yet, most of us can’t imagine our lives without our cell phones, electronic calendars, music players and game consoles.
Can you recall what it was like to connect with your long distance family and friends or even conduct business before we had Skype, Facebook, e-mail, or webcams? These are the tools that are so ingrained in our everyday lives that we now take them for granted.
I may be dating myself, but I can recall when we wrote letters that took 5-7 days to reach the recipient or the days when my long distance charges could feed several families in a third world country.
Tools serve a useful purpose in our daily lives. And in most cases, tools make our lives easier and more manageable. Our self-care toolbox is as essential as the scissors we use to cut paper and fabric or hammers and nails to hold things together.
In other words, a tool can be considered anything that helps us get the job done whether it’s a physical task or the emotional job of living your best life.
For instance, here are some of the things I have in my self-care toolbox that help me to stay organized, focused, accountable and inspired:
- A journal for recording thoughts, desires, and feelings that otherwise I might forget
- Passion about the things I love
- Humor for the time when life trips me up
- Calendar to make sure I adhere to a schedule
- Kindness to offset hurtful behaviors and harsh words
- Address book so I don’t have to remember a multitude of cell phone numbers, home phone numbers, email addresses and birthdays
- Gratitude journal to remind me to be thankful for what I already have
- Affirmations to replace negative, limiting and scarcity filled messages
- Patience for the times when I’m irritable and rushed
- Quotes and inspirational writings for the times I need uplifting
- Good friends whom I can call on for encouragement and support
- Commitment to finding a way to make it happen
What’s in your self-care toolbox?
And, to get another helpful tool for your self-care toolbox, I invite you to join our self-care circle and get a FREE Special Report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life .
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care
How Much “Stuff” Do I Really Need?
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I’m sure, like me, you’ve asked yourself many times, “how much stuff do I really need” or said, “I have way too much stuff” or “I need to get rid of some of this clutter”.
Every year my town offers a shredding day where old papers, checks, junk mail and other useless papers are recycled into a large travelling truck. And each year as I round up all these worthless pieces of paper for the shredder truck, I can’t help but wonder how I manage to accumulate so much stuff.
Maybe, you are organized and don’t accumulate clutter. If so, congratulations! But most of us find ourselves with more “stuff” than we know what to do with.
Even though there are times when I can proudly say I’ve streamline my stuff and got rid things I no longer find useful, beautiful or interesting, I still find myself surrounded by some clutter!
And I’ll bet you do too!
Does any of this stuff sound familiar to you?
- An overstuffed closet filled with relics that you know you won’t ever wear or fit into again
- The drawer stuffed with enough pens, pencils, staples and tape to supply 10 small offices for a year
- Furniture stored in the attic or basement that is broken or you no longer want or use
- Stacks of all occasion cards you’ll forget to send
- Hundreds of obsolete cassette tapes on which you have nothing to play them
- A bookshelf lined with books you won’t read or re-read
- Toys you’re holding on to even though your children are all grown up
- Old magazines that by now you’ve forgotten the article you wanted to save
Ask yourself:
If I didn’t have all this clutter, what spaces would open up for me to have more of the things that really matter to me the most?
It all comes down to what you really need to foster the best results for your life!
I’m not talking about the individuals who amass an excessive amount of possessions that are hazardous, worthless or unsanitary and causes peril in their daily living (i.e., showering, cleaning, cooking, sleeping). This type of compulsive behavior is mental health disorder known as hoarding.
Most of us don’t fall into that category.
Those of us who have too much stuff generally lead busy, hectic lives with limited time and energy to pare down and de-clutter.
From time to time, we’ve all experienced a cluttered workspace or home environment. But, I have learned to question my thoughts and examine what else may be going on in my life when clutter leads to disorganization and overwhelm. For example, when I let my desk get cluttered, it usually means I’m procrastinating. It’s important to consider what underlying thoughts you have about cluttering. For instance, if you constantly send messages to yourself that you’re sloppy, disorganized and unproductive, you’ve successfully trained your mind to respond to a belief that limits you from taking action. Or the underlying belief may be that having all of your “things” out where you can see them gives you a feeling of control.
You may want to find out if your town has a shredding day so you can begin the process of getting rid of some of your stuff – the unnecessary papers – so you can make room to thrive and grow. You will think clearly, create more order in your surroundings and free up energy to focus on the things that are most important to you.
And, to help you take charge of clutter and have more personal control in your life, I invite you to get your FREE Special Report: “Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life” for more tips, insights and guidance.
What are you willing to do now to start getting rid of some of your “stuff“?
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
Create More Space to Attract Opportunities of Abundance
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We all say we want more…money, time, balance, happiness, joy, clothes, electronic gadgets, etc.
And, the list goes on…
But, have you made space in your life for more of what you say you want?
When a container is full, you can’t expect to add more to it without it overflowing. Have you made room to attract the abundance you say you want?
How much do you really need?
Is your closet overstuffed with clothes that are outdated, too small no longer of interest to you?
Then, you have not created space for anything new. Imagine your clothes and shoes orderly and ready to wear with space to spare. You have just created an opportunity to attract more clothes.
Where are you spending your time?
We all have the same 24 hours in a day. How do you use yours? Are you taking on more responsibilities than necessary? Learn to say “no” (and mean it), delegate tasks when possible, trim and prioritize your to do list. Everything is not a high priority. When your to do list is prioritized and trimmed, you leave plenty of time left to do the things that matter to you most.
What do you want to attract more of in your life? (money, your dream career, a substantial raise, more time and energy, self-employment opportunities)?
In order to attract more in your life, you must begin to show gratitude for what you already have. Be grateful for the coin you find lying on the street; be grateful for the gift of a cup of coffee; show gratitude when you locate a huge discount on something you want to purchase. When you consistently show gratitude for whatever monies come into your life, you open the door for more money to enter into your life. Abundance is not just about money. Gratitude for the things you already have goes a long way in attracting more of what you want.
How do you want to spend your energy?
Which of the things you are trying to balance can be postponed or revamped in a way that frees your mind and body? Living in overwhelm leads to unnecessary stress on your body. Is there a way for you to streamline some tasks, delegate or outsource others? Be adaptable. Recognize that things will pop up that will require you to adjust and make different choices. Give yourself permission to change things when they aren’t working for you to create balance in your home life, work, school and countless other tasks on your schedule. When things don’t get done, reschedule and allow for more realistic expectations.
It’s never too late to begin to create space for abundance.
Begin now changing your mindset about how you view abundance.
Creating space for opportunities of abundance in any area of your life does not have to be a struggle. It’s an easy transition. If you want more information about how you can enjoy a life filled with abundance, you may be interested in my More Wealth and Abundance audio and transcript.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
How to Become More Patient With Yourself, Friends and Family
Posted by: | Comments“Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances” – Thomas Jefferson
Sometimes it’s hard to be patient when the person ahead of you is holding up the line digging through her purse to find her debit card (as if she didn’t know she was going to make a purchase). Or, maybe you need to quickly complete a task and the hourglass on your computer won’t go away.
If you’re anything like me, you can quickly become annoyed when delays cause inconvenience or eat away at your time. And, it’s usually because you are either rushing or have set some unrealistic expectations for yourself or someone else. Wanting things done in a reasonable time frame, being organized and proactive are wonderful traits when it comes to things like completing tasks or projects that you can control. But when you’re at the whim of someone else’s timetable, that kind of thinking only leads to frustration, annoyance, anger and impatience. You can only control things that are within your control.
Here’s how you can become more patient with yourself, friends and family when you notice your feathers are being ruffed:
Look within for the source of the irritation – Are you rushed? Are you trying to fit in just one more thing into your already busy schedule? Did you skip breakfast or lunch? When you’re rushed and not sufficiently nourished, you are more likely to become frustrated easier and have less tolerance. Adding on more things that you can reasonably accomplish in a given time frame, is a recipe for impatience. Try to schedule no more than you can accomplish in an hour, a day or a week. Set achievable and realistic goals.
Detach from Impatience – A quick way to detach from irritation or anger is to take several deep breaths while reminding yourself that the situation is temporary. The longer you stay irritated, the less patience you can display.
Count to 10 – This is a tried and true method to reduce frustration and anger. Count slowly to 10 (or 100 if need be). Once you reach the selected number, you’ll find yourself more relaxed and better able to handle the situation. As an added benefit, try deep breathing while counting.
Think of impatience as a teaching moment and that you are being presented with an opportunity to remind yourself to slow down and become more patient. Doing so, gives you control of your feelings and responses to the people and situations in your life.
And, to help you show more patience and take more control of your life, I invite you to join our Self-Care Circle for more tips, insights and guidance.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
Your Boundary is Your Invisible Self-Monitoring Tool
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There are a variety of tools available to keep you on track such as budgets, time management, journals and vision boards. And, like the other tools you avail yourself of to stay on track and reach your goals, you can also use your invisible self-monitoring tool to create strong boundaries that protect you from time stealers, energy drainers and negativity.
I’m sure you wouldn’t allow guests in your home to trample on your furniture, paint on your walls or deface your property in some other way.
Yet, many times, we unwittingly invite people to disrespect our boundaries by leaving a trail of negativity in their wake.
For example:
- The “friend” who does not listen to you or value your opinions
- People who infringe on your time without respect for your time limits
- Anyone who frequently refuses to accept “no” as your final answer
- Erratic behavior aimed directly at you
- Holding on to relationships and behaviors you find intolerable or offensive
Think of your boundaries as the invisible shield that protects you from negativity and harmful behaviors.
Your boundary is your invisible self-monitoring tool. Here are a few ways to use it:
- Don’t hold on to commitments, relationships or behaviors that no longer serve a useful purpose. Understand when it’s time to let go of things that no longer serve you. Your precious time could be better spent pursuing activities that bring you joy and enrich your life.
- Be willing to let go of the things in your life that don’t honor your boundaries. You may recognize that it’s time to let go but maybe you are not quite willing to let go. You never know what doors will open with just the right opportunity when you have made space for it.
- Exercise your right to make a choice about how, when and what you spend your time doing. If you don’t value your time, no one else will either. Making the choice to set limits on your time, energy and resources creates strong time boundaries and space so that you can engage in the things that are really important to you.
- Accept change. Change is inevitable…nothing stays the same. Change is a vehicle for growth and an opportunity to experience something new and exciting. If nothing else, change the way you look at things. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Wayne Dyer
When someone violates your boundaries by devaluing your opinions, choices and ideas, it’s up to you to say a resounding NO and take charge of how you want to live your life.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
A Vision Board to Create the Life You Want
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If you’re anything like me, the book, “The Secret” gave me my first glimpse of a vision board. And, like a lot of people, I thought if I cut out some pictures and quotes from magazines, put them up where I could see them everyday then magically I would attract what I wanted.
Wrong!
Your vision board is much more than just a hodge podge collection of images. It’s an easy to use tool that helps you manifest your deepest desires. You simply collect vivid images, inspiring quotes and positive affirmations. You then place them on a poster board where you can see them everyday. But what’s most overlooked and a vital part of creating your vision is the “feelings” you attach to the images.
For example, you may be holding a vision for a new car, house or job but if you don’t experience the feeling of cruising down the interstate in you dream car, or feel what it’s like to walk down the halls in your new house, all the pictures in the world won’t manifest what you want.
To make your vision board even more effective, try adding affirmations. For example, if your dream is to have more family time, you could add an affirmation that says, “I am enjoying spending quality time with my family”. If it were a new car you’re dreaming of, paste a picture of you next to the car and add the affirmation: “I love driving my red sports car.”
Without attaching a feeling to your images, your pictures are just pictures.
Here’s what you need to get started:
- Search through magazines, brochures, circulars, and the Internet for images that create emotion and depict exactly what you want to attract.
- Once you have an assortment of images, cut them out and glue, pin or tape them on a piece of poster board.
- Place your vision board in a prominent place where you can look at it every day and experience the emotion of that image. It’s important to feel the emotions so that you images will become real in your mind.
Supplies
- 8-1/2 x 11 card stock. Some experts say that each area of your life should have its own space. For example, one for family, career, health, prosperity, travel, etc. This may sound a little daunting at first but it can also serve as a means to narrow down your focus.
- 20 x 30 card stock. Instead of the smaller card stock and if you have the wall space for it, you may prefer the 20 x 30 or similar size. The larger size may be a better choice, particularly if you prefer having everything where you can see it in one place. Both the larger and smaller sizes can easily be found at office supply, craft or discount stores.
- A computer generated board works best for some people. There are several good choices on line if this is your preference.
- Artist Tablet – If you want portability, an artist tablet may work better for you.
- Push pins, glue, or tape to secure your images to the poster board
Of course, creating a vision board without experiencing the emotions attached to the images, taking action and believing you can have what you want is like sitting around counting raindrops.
You must first believe you deserve your dream, imagine yourself in it and feel the emotions of having what you desire. It won’t happen if you just park yourself in front of your vision board wishing and hoping.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family Therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to reclaim their time, energy, joy, freedom and confidence so they have more space in their busy lives to include self-care.