Archive for responsibility
Your life is a Sum Total of Your Responses to the Choices You Have Made
Posted by: | Comments
Years ago, when I first heard the quote “our lives are the sum total of the choices we have made”, by Dr. Wayne Dyer, I quickly discounted it just as a lot of people do. Because I was so wrapped up in my “stories” about what should have happened that I didn’t see how I could possibly have been remotely responsible for how the choices I made were reflected in my life.
As I gave the quote more thought, I came to realize it had more meaning for me when I interpreted it this way – Your life is a sum total of your responses to the choices you have made. Maybe I’m taking too much liberty with Dr. Dyer’s quote but that’s a choice I get to make.
If you look at the quote as how the choices you made are connected to distressing thoughts, you take responsibility for your choices and are empowered to release the burden of unrealistic expectations you’ve placed on yourself and others.
We make choices every day, every minute and sometimes our choices don’t bring the desired results. It’s not the results that cause angst, it’s your response to it that causes stress. I made a choice to purchase one car over another and realized later that I hadn’t made the best choice for myself. Did I ruminate over it, stress over or spend time trying to figure out how I could reverse my choice. You bet I did! But, only for a short time. It was around the time I made my choice that I come across Dr. Dyer’s quote again. After that I put on my “other” thinking cap and decided I wouldn’t stress over it or question the reality of the choice I made.
Who knows, just maybe the universe designed that I would have this car and not another.
In Byron Katie’s book, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
Had I attached to the thought that I made a bad decision, I would still be stressed, unable to appreciate the fact that I do have a reliable, safe car to drive and could have easily become attached to a stressful thought about a choice I made.
What about you? If you believe your life is a sum total of your responses to the choices you have made, how do you avoid attaching to stressful thoughts about the choices you’ve made? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.
Until next time…
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
What Are You Tolerating Today That Could Free You to Live Authentically?
Posted by: | CommentsIn my work, I talk to many women who are convinced that their lot in life has been cast. Whatever circumstance they find themselves in, they have deluded themselves into believing that the situation can’t change for them and struggle to make sense of the choices they have made.
One woman in an intolerable relationship felt that she had made a commitment and no matter what, she would “stick it out”. Another woman I know decided long ago that her life was dictated by the circumstances of her upbringing and continued to relinquish her power to her family.
Commitment and a sense of responsibility is a wonderful attribute, however, when loyalty binds you to intolerable situations, it’s time to refocus.
I once heard someone say, “people will treat you the way you teach them to treat you”. You can’t be authentic and not recognize how the choices you make determine the outcomes. You can’t be authentic and not take responsibility for those choices. You must make a conscious choice, based on your true integrity, to decide whether or not you will live your lives based on your authenticity or fall prey to ways that others may dishonor who y are.
What are you tolerating/putting up with in your life now that if eliminated would give you more joy and freedom?
We all put up with something, sometime. The point is, if you really give some thought to what you are tolerating in your life today, it may surprise you to realize that what you’re tolerating has been disguised as commitment, obligation, responsibility, duty and other acceptable language.
How different would the quality of your life be, if you made that distinction, and took action to change it? Only you know what you are tolerating that is hindering you from living the life you want and deserve.
Somewhere, underneath the false sense of obligation, is an underlying fear – fear of being alone, fear of financial ruin, fear of rejection, fear of the unfamiliar and fear of change. When you allow fears, procrastination and lack of confidence in your abilities to collide with your authentic reality; you set yourself up for unnecessary discontent, worry, sadness, and disappointment.
To live joyful, creative, peaceful lives, you must make choices that are in alignment with your authenticity. You must delve deep underneath the negative voices inside your head and uncover those messages that erode your self confidence and knowledge of how unique and wonderful you really are.