Archive for happiness
I’ve Never Been to ME
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When you think of a relationship do you think of the connection you have with your family, friends, money, co-workers and neighbors?
Of course you do.
But wait, don’t you also want to think about the loving healthy relationship you have with yourself? You do have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, don’t you?
Or what about the relationship you have with money, your emotional well being, your integrity and your values?
One of my favorite songs is “I’ve Never Been to Me” by Nancy Wilson. In the song, she sings about meeting kings, queens and all the dreams she’s deferred but never been free to be herself. At least that’s my take on the song.
A lot of people have the trappings of what society tells us is a successful life. Take the case of Charlie Sheen, the TV star of the hit comedy, Two and a Half Men. You may recall the train wreck that caused him to fall from grace and self destruct. He had the huge salary, dream homes with luxurious furnishings, fancy cars, jewelry, and exotic vacations. But none of these accessories and outward signs of success equated to happiness and personal freedom.
Ultimately, you and only you are in charge of your happiness and success. All the money in the world does not insure you are living a successful, content and productive life.
If you feel coerced into doing something that you don’t personally approve of, you’re chipping away at your personal freedom.
When you lack the courage to ask questions and speak up for what’s right, you slice away at your integrity.
The freedom you’re looking for won’t come from engaging in reckless behavior or living a life of the rich and famous. The freedom you seek is the freedom to be real, uncovering the loving, brave and self-governed spirit that’s beneath all the outward signs of a happy and fulfilled life.
If you live an authentic life, you’ll never have to bemoan the song, “I’ve Never Been to Me”. If you do relate to the song, it means you’ve lost touch with your core self – the part of you that can’t easily be persuaded to follow the crowd – the part of you that has a core value system that can’t be compromised.
When you can stand up for what you believe without apology and do what’s right, even if you have to risk distancing yourself from family, friends and colleagues, you show up as the “real you”. Your beliefs, actions and values are in alignment and outer trappings of happiness and success do not sway you.
Keep in mind that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.
How is the relationship you have with yourself?
To learn more and get your FREE audios of 7 Daily Self Care Tips, I invite you to join our Self Care Circle at http://coachforyourdreams.com.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other busy overwhelmed women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
Happiness Really is an Inside Job
Posted by: | CommentsHappiness really is an inside job. A sure blueprint for unhappiness is when you say and do things that are unaligned with your integrity, beliefs and desires. If your thinking is not in line with what you are doing and saying, you will experience conflict, anger and frustration.
I often come across women who say they are not happy. They are unhappy because they are living out of integrity – doing and saying things that conflict with their beliefs, desires and expectations.
One of my clients complained that she was “just unhappy” and didn’t like saying “no” to family members and friends and often wound up feeling that her time and wishes were ignored. As we worked together, we uncovered why she wasn’t happy in her personal life. She allowed the people in her life to manipulate her into guilt if she said no or set personal boundaries. Hidden beneath the people pleasing was a faulty belief that she would be happy if she got recognition and approval for her efforts.
If you’re not happy, here are some tips to begin the work of getting happy from the inside out:
Paint a new picture – Your life is the canvass on which you paint the picture of how you expect to be treated. Being happy means you show the world what you think and feel rather than what you think everyone else wants you to be or do.
Pay attention to your words - Over use of the words, “I have to, I should or I need to” indicates that you are about to do something you would rather not. You certainly won’t be happy with yourself if you are constantly doing things out of guilt or expectations set by someone else. Instead, use empowering words like “I will, I want, I choose or I can” to convey your desires.
Appreciate yourself first - Appreciate and compliment yourself on all the good qualities you have and you will be less likely to seek happiness, approval and recognition from outside yourself.
Express your true feelings – If you shy away from expressing what you really think or feel, you’re sending the message that you desires are unimportant. Make a conscious choice to say what you feel on the inside instead of what you think others might want to hear. Holding back your real feelings leads to unhappiness and frustration.
This week, take an honest look at your life, review the above tips and see if there is an inner area of your life where you can begin to cultivate happiness from the inside.
Have a “happy week”!
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. To get tips, start living out loud with more enthusiasm, energy, passion, and self-confidence now, get your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life
Can Money Buy Happiness?
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I once had a cute little refrigerator magnet that said, “money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a week in the Bahamas”.
Your level of happiness is never determined by your purchasing power. Of course, having access to enough money to be comfortable is preferable to living in poverty but it does not insure your happiness.
The Boston Globe ran an interesting article some time ago drawing from research into that time worn question: Can money buy happiness? The study found that “there’s a certain point beyond which people have enough to comfortably feed, clothe, and house themselves, having more money – even a lot more money – makes them only a little bit happier”.
These days money is a hot topic – how much you have, will you have enough, where you spend or don’t spend, what you buy, how much of it you save, etc. – partially due to the state of the economy.
The freedom to travel when you want, free from debt, designer clothes, and plenty of time to enjoy leisure activities can significantly contribute to a sense of well-being but can money buy happiness?
What do you think it takes for you to be happy?
- A vacation home in the Caribbean?
- Winning the mega lottery
- Freedom from debt
- Jet setting around the world
- A lavish home and lifestyle
- The latest designer fashions
If you notice, all of the things above are dependent on external sources and does not come from a place of internal joy and satisfaction. If you truly want to be happy, try these suggestions:
- Laugh more- There’s a reason laughter and yoga laughter clubs are taking off like a rocket. More and more, people are recognizing the benefits of including time for laughter in their lives.
- Enjoy music – Music does more than soothe the savage beast. Studies find music can relieve stress, activate hormones that produce feelings of happiness and relaxation.
- Count your blessings – Show gratitude daily. Take five minutes to focus on the things that you are grateful for the things you already have in your life.
- Cultivate enjoyable interests – People who engage in stimulating, interesting hobbies experience fulfillment, pleasure and an overall sense of well-being. In a 2009 survey, the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported that 96% of the people surveyed engaged in some sort of leisure activity. It’s interesting to note that the study did not say if these leisure activities brought the respondents a level of fulfillment and joy.
Happiness is the “ultimate currency” a phrase coined in the book, Happier: Learn the Secrets to Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment
Your happiness is an internal state of and is not determined by the amount of currency you have, your status or education. The pleasure and meaning you derive from your life are important components to your happiness. Of course, money certainly can contribute to overall satisfaction, but can money buy happiness?
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. Get my FREE special report: Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life and stay in touch with me by email for more self-care tips.
Stop to Smell the Roses While In Pursuit of Happiness
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Stop to smell the roses
Are you waiting for your situation to change so you can be happy? Many people are waiting for that illusive dream to manifest, the great idea to be implemented, the new house, car or some other tangible evidence that says they are Happy.
Stop to smell the roses while in pursuit of happiness!
Happiness is a state of mind based on how worthy you feel, how deserving you think you are of good things coming your way.
Your internal critic (the negative messages received and embedded in your subconscious) may attempt to sabotage your happiness quotient which will in turn affect your level of self-confidence and self-esteem.
Self-confidence is the realistic and positive expectations you have for yourself, your abilities and others. Self-confident people exude a sense of control in their lives.
Self-esteem is what you think of yourself. If you think you are insignificant, unworthy, devalued, that is the perception you will also present to the world. How you allow yourself to be treated and the way you show up to the world has the greatest impact on your self esteem. No one can make you a doormat unless you willingly lie down.
Your happiness depends on the expectations and mindset you have about how happy you are.
To quote the actress, Betty Davis – “You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.”
Here are some tips to get your happy dance on…
- Trust your feelings – Life is about trusting your feelings and taking chances, appreciating the memories and learning from the past. Take time to experience to the utmost the little things that bring you joy.
- Be grateful – Gratitude is a powerful state of mind. It shifts your focus from lack to abundance and gives you a sense of contentment.
- Lower your worry quotient – Worrying about things over which you have no control will overwhelm and deplete you. Concentrate on the things you have control over. Don’t sweat the small stuff.
- Be flexible – Things will not always go the way you want but if you are adaptable, you won’t raise your blood pressure by trying to have it your way. Allow for a change in plans.
- Stop to smell the roses – In our hurry up, multitasking and over scheduled lives, we don’t stop long enough to relax, dream and enjoy life’s simple pleasures. Don’t add more things into your day than you can reasonably handle. Take time for a leisurely walk, read an uplifting book or sit quietly listening to your favorite tunes.
Moment by moment, you can make a choice to be happy. More often than not, it’s the little things that annoy, frustrate and derail happiness. Expect happiness, embrace it and stop to smell the roses along the way.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. To get tips, start living out loud with enthusiasm, energy, passion, and self-confidence now, get your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life
Can You Really Eat, Pray, Love Your Way to Happiness?
Posted by: | CommentsI recently traveled across three countries on a delicious quest for enlightenment, purpose and passion. Actually, my journey took place from the comfortable seat in my local movie theater. I tagged along with Julia Roberts, as Liz Gilbert, as she took me along on her search for spirituality, love and adventure in the movie, Eat, Pray, Love. It was quite a journey!
Without giving away too much, the movie revolved around Liz, a woman desperately looking to find out who she really was and what she wanted in her life. I enjoyed watching this incredible woman evolve over a period of 12 months but couldn’t help but wonder, Can You Really Eat, Pray, Love Your Way To Happiness?I’m not so sure you need to traverse across three countries to find happiness. But, I do believe that joyfulness comes from within and opens your eyes to the beauty of infinite possibilities and an amazingly fulfilling life. In lieu of taking a journey across the world, here are some things you can do on your pilgrimage to happiness:
- Take responsibility – Realize, at the end of the day, you are the only one responsible for you own happiness. Allowing others to dictate how you life is orchestrated, makes for unhappiness and restlessness. Make choices based on what you desire most, not what you think you “should” do.
- Be honest with Yourself – If you honestly don’t want to do something – then don’t. Don’t say things that aren’t true to yourself or others. Speaking truthfully builds integrity and a foundation for cultivating confidence.
- Self-Explore – What are your values? What do you really want? How do you want to live your life? These are questions that will get to the root of your happiness. Ask them of yourself often until you’re comfortable with the answers. Some people find prayer and meditation helpful when they are seeking answers.
- Do what you love – I once heard someone say, “Just because you can do anything doesn’t mean you can do everything”. Engage in activities that bring you joy. Dust off a hobby that you put on the shelf eons ago and start being creative again. If, it’s adventure you crave, plan one and go for it! Nothing is outside your reach if you are passionate about it.
How will you start to Eat, Pray, Love your way to happiness! And, in the meantime, if you are serious about setting strong boundaries, clearing more time in your busy schedule for self-care and want to live a harmonious life then I invite you get my FREE Special Report, Building Strong Boundaries to Give You More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson, founder of Coach for YOUR Dreams, is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping nurses, teachers, therapists and other care giving women to set limits so they have more time, and energy to devote to self-care.
Don’t just look, stop and stare!
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This is a guest post by Logan Lindabury, the Happiness Coach, from HappinessCanHelp.com
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Picture this: You’ve just finished working another long and tiring day.You get in your car and find excitement in the idea that tomorrow will be the weekend and you can actually relax. Then you realize it’s only Monday and you have yet to begin sitting in rush hour traffic. Has this happened to you?
Why is it that you can only relax and be happy on the weekends? When did that get set in stone? Far as I can see, it’s not! So break the routine. Try something new. Find some happiness everyday, no matter what you’re doing.
So now you’re driving home somewhat upset in the fact that you have work yet again tomorrow. But you’re taking my advice. Smart move. You’re becoming a forward thinker, one focused on finding happiness.
And then it happens, you remember that beautiful lake on the side road that you sometimes travel when you take the long way home. You decide to go that way today. But today is different.
Today, instead of just driving by and taking a quick glance as you go 50 miles per hour, you make a change. A change that’ll bring incredible amounts of happiness and relaxation into your life. Today you stop and sit by the lake.
Because today, like every other day from here on out, you are focused on happiness. You are focused on finding a happy moment in everything that you experience. And now you have.
Why? Because sitting by that lake, just staring into the water, somehow makes you relax. It makes you smile. Makes you, happy. And you’re not sure why. But right now, it really doesn’t matter. What matters is this: you are happy.
Because you will have to leave the lake eventually. You will have to deal with your stressful situation again tomorrow. But at least you know you have that lake. At least you know that happiness and relaxation are only a car drive away. And knowing that will bring a smile to your face.
But how do I know all this? Because I do it myself. Because I drive to several lakes, stop, sit, and stare. And when I leave there I’m happier and more relaxed then when I came. Happens every time. Why? I’m not exactly sure. But I do know this: Water has a powerful positive effect on people.
So try it. Go to that place that you’ve looked at so many times and have yet to actually stop and stare at. It does NOT have to be a lake. But spend time there, wherever it is. Bring someone if you’d like. It’s up to you. But try it. Find happiness in the beauty of nature. Because when you start to do that, you can start to find happiness in the beauty of people.
And now that I’ve started to sound corny I am going to stop.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
This article was written by Logan Lindabury, the Happiness Coach from HappinessCanHelp.com. Do you want to enjoy your life? Do you want to find happiness no matter what happens? Then go to HappinessCanHelp.com and get started today.
In Pursuit of Happiness
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Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony – Gandhi
Most people expend a great amount of time looking for happiness in all the wrong places . They chase dreams rather than live dreams. Their lives are stimulated only by addictions, religions, and even other people in a futile attempt to fill the void with purpose and meaning. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.
Happiness is a state of mind based on how worthy you feel. How you feel about yourself is a direct result of the accumulated experiences you have had, particular growing up. For instance, if you grew up being made to feel worthy, valued, loved, protected and respected, most likely you feel happier.
On the other hand, if your experiences led you to feeling unworthy, unloved and disrespected, you may be unhappy, have low self esteem, weak boundaries and lack confidence.
Your internal critic (the negative messages received and embedded in your subconscious) may attempt to sabotage your happiness quotient which will in turn affect your level of self-confidence and self-esteem.
Self confidence is the realistic and positive expectations you have for yourself, your abilities and others. Self confident people exude a sense of control in their lives.
Self esteem is what you think of yourself. If you think you are insignificant, unworthy, devalued, that is the perception you will also present to the world. How you allow yourself to be treated and the way you show up to the world has the greatest impact on your self esteem. No one can make you a doormat unless you willingly lie down.
Fear is another negative influence that dictates how you feel, think and interact in your relationships with others. Each time, you don’t speak up for what you deserve, want and need, you allow fear to rule. Fear is an emotion and one that you have complete control over. Your choices are to let fear rule or you rule fear. Fear is the biggest obstacle to growth and change.
Procrastinating and putting off needed actions you believe you must take, is acknowledging that you really don’t have the necessary confidence to carry them out.
Your happiness depends on the expectations and mindset you have about happiness.
To quote the actress, Betty Davis – “You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change your expectation.”
Here are some tips to get your happy dance on…
- Maintain a sense of humor; everything is not a matter of life or death. Try to find the humor in stressful situations.
- Lower your worry quotient. Worrying about things over which you have no control will overwhelm and deplete you. Concentrate on the things you have control over. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If you must worry, allow yourself 5 minutes to dwell on the situation and move on to something more productive.
- Be flexible. Things will not always go the way you want but if you are adaptable, you won’t raise your blood pressure by trying to have it your way. Allow for a change in plans.
- Schedule wisely. Don’t add more things into your day than you can reasonably handle. Over scheduling leads to frustration, anger and resentment. Avoid it. Set clear boundaries around your time.
- Happiness is a series of choices you make that determine how you react or respond to a given situation. Remember, no one but you can determine your happiness. Make wise choices based on the things that are important to you.
- Set realistic expectations for yourself and others. Make sure your expectations aren’t rooted in faulty beliefs based on negative experiences.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
About the Author:
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist. Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries, build balance and create breathing space in their busy lives.
