Archive for coaching
TIP: How to Create a Strong Financial Boundary
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A major stress for many people in these challenging economic times is money. How do you view money? Do you have an easy come easy go attitude, are you a thrifty spender or are you burdened with debt? Whatever your view of money is, the following tip may be helpful to get or keep your finances in order.
TIP: Spending more than one earns is a recipe for accumulating massive debt. Create a budget and stick to it. Track your spending for a month so that you know where your money is going. You may be surprised at how much you spend on coffee, snacks and non-essentials.
If you are in the habit of saving a portion of your income, congratulations and keep up the good work.
Eliminate credit cards – Create a short and long term plan to pay off outstanding credit cards. Not only will you be free from debt but you will also gain a new found sense of freedom.
About the Author:
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist. Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries, build balance and create breathing space in their busy lives.
TIP: How to Simplify and Systematize Your Space Boundary
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TIP: De-clutter your surroundings by getting rid of clogged files, clothes you no longer can wear, old costume jewelry, and other things that you no longer find useful, enjoyable or serve to enhance your life.
Create a system for everything; organize files and folders – You can create folders and rules in your e-mail so that you can easily find key contacts and their emails.
Donate clothes to a worthwhile charity.
Getting rid of clutter creates space to receive more of what you really want in your life.
About the Author:
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist. Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries, build balance and create breathing space in their busy lives.
How Adding Chocolate Making to Your Busy Schedule Leads to Stress
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Normally I don’t read the Martha Steward column because she gives far more complicated instructions than I have the time or desire to undertake.
Today was an exception, since anything with the word chocolate in it immediately catches my attention. The title, Chocolate Covered Strawberries, was clearly calling my name.
I looked at the title and immediately had a vision of special “me” time, curled up in front of a fire, jazz playing softly in the background, browsing through my newest magazine and delighting in mouth watering chocolate covered strawberries.
As I read the instructions, I couldn’t help but think that Martha was now beginning to write recipes for the average, busy, chaos-filled life of the women of America like me. So far, so good…I can do this.
The part about drying the strawberries was a little daunting but I was confident I could master it so that not a drop of water would be left on the strawberries causing clumps. After all, who wants clumps on their strawberries?
I was even willing to search the supermarket for parchment paper that I could place the little devils on so they could be kept in the refrigerator for two days.
Wow, I’m psyched now…I can almost taste the strawberries and picture myself stretched out on the sofa like the little vixen I am, indulging in a sinfully delightful treat.
And then, in true Martha style, she throws the curve ball right out of the field. This is what she says: “If the confections won’t be eaten right away, you may want to temper the chocolate to prevent ‘blooming‘ [white spots that sometimes appear over time on the surface of chocolate"]. What?? Ok, Martha, this is where you lost me…
For those of you who have the urge to temper your chocolate, you can get all the information you need here.
I don’t know what you know about tempering, but I know quite a bit about temper tantrums, temper holding, temper loosing and temperatures; chocolate tempering — not so much. Although I have seen ‘blooming” on the candy bars on sale at the local drugstore, it never stopped me from devouring them.
All of this Holly homemaking just makes me want to go out and BUY some chocolate.
If you’re anything like most women, you already have quite enough things going on in your life more important than learning how to “temper” chocolate when you can just go out and buy some.
All of this detail about making and tempering chocolate makes me think of how we decide what tasks to take on when our lives are overwhelmed, over-scheduled, frustrated and too busy.
I’m not knocking Martha Stewart and her recipes. If you have the time and energy for this kind of complex direction…go for it. It’s just not one of my priorities.
And speaking of priorities…
Most women I know have more than enough on their plates and struggle to have the time to get everything done. Adding chocolate tempering to an already busy day just seems a little too stressful for me. Setting priorities is the key to stress reduction.
So, how do you decide what else you take on when your plate is already full?
You might want to consider the following tips when you start thinking of adding one more item to your already chocked-full plate that cause stress, frustration and overwhelm:
- Eliminate anything on your to do list that will tax your energy supply. Chocolate making might be fun for some of you but if it’s something that causes stress, don’t do it or wait until you have the energy to tackle it.
- If detailed instructions bog you down, ask someone who is more detailed oriented to help you or scratch it off your list until you can be more focused.
- Use a small tablet to organize your thoughts, make choices based on what’s important to you now. Re-energize and relax to avoid frustration and overwhelm. When you feel energized and have some organization in place, tasks don’t seem so daunting.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
About the Author:
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist. Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries, build balance and create breathing space into their busy lives.
What I learned About Boundaries From Larry, the Cable Guy
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Yesterday evening I picked up my phone poised to dial out and there was dead silence…no dial tone, no static…nothing…
My first thought was I had inadvertently disconnected one of the many tangled cords underneath my desk. If you’ve ever had to crawl around into the abyss under your desk on your hands and knees, you know this is no small feat.
With flashlight in hand, I checked each of the sundry connections making sure they were all housed in their respective homes. From my non-techy vantage point, everything looked to be in order.
Time to place a call to the provider of my phone service, which is also my cable company.
With cell phone in had, I make the call. Little did I know this was just the beginning of my saga into the world of techno phone land. After three attempts, I finally get a “live” person and tell my story to numerous “technical support” people, including “supervisors”. No one could troubleshoot the problem from his or her end. And they couldn’t restore my service that night.
Eventually, I was told that a technician would have to come out to investigate since they couldn’t detect any problems. I reluntantly made an appoinment for the next morning.
To say I was upset is putting it mildly…
Promptly, at the appointed time, the cable guy arrived.
Once he made the required checks and counterchecks, he was able to discover the problem.
I had connected the phone line to the wrong opening on the modem!
Egg all over my face…
So what did my experience with Larry, the cable guy teach me about boundaries?
- I learned to pay close attention to where I plug in cords. It could have saved me a $30 service call! I was also reminded of the things we plug into – like time takers – rushing, holding on to clutter and disorganization. Had I used those fancy doodads that keeps cords tangle free, I might have saved myself some precious time. Pay attention to what you plug into your life. Make sure you have your boundaries established and enforce them before you get tangled up in situations that will cost you in time, energy and resources.
- I learned to ask for help even if I have to wear egg on my face, Technology is not my area of expertise I can’t do everything in all situations. Know your limitations and seek expert help when you need it. Asking for help from the people who are good at what they do means that you give yourself permission to do the things that make you an expert and the freedom to pursue your passions.
- I learned to practice patience. I confess, I’m still learning this lesson… Waiting on hold and explaining the same problem to several people gives me lots of practice. I keep the stress bunnies at bay when I practice patience. When life hands you lemons – make lemonade. Use waiting time like a breath of fresh air. Inhale deeply and relax for a few minutes to clear away the nasty little irritations, and relieve stress.
- You can learn something in almost any situation when you take the time to process it. When you are in the midst of chaos, anxious and stressful situations, stop just long enough to see if there might be a lesson in there for you.
The next time you’re on hold long enough to go make a sandwich, eat it and have some dessert. Remember you’re learning a lesson and once you learn it well you won’t have to repeat it.
What lesson have you learned today? Please leave your thoughts in the comment section below and share this post with your friends.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
About the Author:
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified group coach, personal life coach and a licensed marriage & family therapist. Gladys helps nurses, therapists, teachers and other caregivers establish boundaries, build balance and create breathing space into their busy lives.
Stop the People-Pleasing Syndrome Dead in its Tracks
Posted by: | CommentsPleasing others is not necessarily a bad thing. Considering the needs of others, graciousness and the willingness to help others are admirable traits.
For many people, the desire to please becomes a reliance on others for approval and acceptance, even when it restricts their own happiness and health. Constantly trying to gain acceptance, validation and approval is a detriment to relations, health and sabotages boundary making.
“As a people-pleaser, you feel controlled by your need to please others and addicted to their approval. At the same time, you feel out of control over the pressures and demands on your life that these needs have created” writes Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D., in The Disease to Please.
Consider the following statements to see if you can benefit from learning to say no to others more often—and yes to yourself.
“I put others’ needs before my own, even when the cost to me and my own happiness is great.”
“If someone needs my help, I can’t say no. In fact, I often find it difficult to say no. And when I do, I feel guilty.”
“To avoid reactions I’m afraid of, I often try to be who others want me to be, to agree with them, to fit in.”
If you can identify with any of the above statements, it may be time to take a look at how people pleasing impacts your life:
1) Are you looking for approval from others to increase your self-esteem?
2) Is validation you motivation for people pleasing?
3) Do you feel that you have to please others to get along with them?
4) Are you constantly saying yes, when you want to say no?
5) Are you hiding your real feelings when you say yes?
6) Do you think others will disapprove of you if you say no?
If any of the above resonates with you, I urge you to seriously consider what it is costing you to deny your feelings, desires and your own happiness.
Stop people pleasing and please yourself first!
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson, founder of Coach for YOUR Dreams, is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping nurses, teachers, therapists and other care giving women to set limits so they have more time, and energy to devote to self-care.