Stop the People-Pleasing Syndrome Dead in its Tracks

Pleasing others is not necessarily a bad thing. Considering the needs of others, graciousness and the willingness to help others are admirable traits.

For many people, the desire to please becomes a reliance on others for approval and acceptance, even when it restricts their own happiness and health. Constantly trying to gain acceptance, validation and approval is a detriment to relations, health and sabotages boundary making.

“As a people-pleaser, you feel controlled by your need to please others and addicted to their approval. At the same time, you feel out of control over the pressures and demands on your life that these needs have created” writes Harriet B. Braiker, Ph.D., in The Disease to Please.

Consider the following statements to see if you can benefit from learning to say no to others more often—and yes to yourself.

“I put others’ needs before my own, even when the cost to me and my own happiness is great.”

“If someone needs my help, I can’t say no. In fact, I often find it difficult to say no. And when I do, I feel guilty.”

“To avoid reactions I’m afraid of, I often try to be who others want me to be, to agree with them, to fit in.”

If you can identify with any of the above statements, it may be time to take a look at how people pleasing impacts your life:

1) Are you looking for approval from others to increase your self-esteem?

2) Is validation you motivation for people pleasing?

3) Do you feel that you have to please others to get along with them?

4) Are you constantly saying yes, when you want to say no?

5) Are you hiding your real feelings when you say yes?

6) Do you think others will disapprove of you if you say no?

If any of the above resonates with you, I urge you to seriously consider what it is costing you to deny your feelings, desires and your own happiness.

Stop people pleasing and please yourself first!

Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author

Gladys Anderson, founder of Coach for YOUR Dreams, is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping nurses, teachers, therapists and other care giving women to set limits so they have more time, and energy to devote to self-care.

 

 

 

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