Happiness Really is an Inside Job

Happiness really is an inside job.  A sure blueprint for unhappiness is when you say and do things that are unaligned with your integrity, beliefs and desires.  If your thinking is not in line with what you are doing and saying, you will experience conflict, anger and frustration.

I often come across women who say they are not happy. They are unhappy because they are living out of integrity – doing and saying things that conflict with their beliefs, desires and expectations.

One of my clients complained that she was “just unhappy” and didn’t like saying “no” to family members and friends and often wound up feeling that her time and wishes were ignored. As we worked together, we uncovered why she wasn’t happy in her personal life. She allowed the people in her life to manipulate her into guilt if she said no or set personal boundaries. Hidden beneath the people pleasing was a faulty belief that she would be happy if she got recognition and approval for her efforts.

If you’re not happy, here are some tips to begin the work of getting happy from the inside out:

Paint a new picture – Your life is the canvass on which you paint the picture of how you expect to be treated. Being happy means you show the world what you think and feel rather than what you think everyone else wants you to be or do.

Pay attention to your words –  Over use of the words, “I have to, I should or I need to” indicates that you are about to do  something you would rather not.  You certainly won’t be happy with yourself if you are constantly doing things out of guilt or expectations set by someone else.  Instead, use empowering words like “I will, I want, I choose or I can” to convey your desires.

Appreciate yourself first – Appreciate and compliment yourself on all the good qualities you have and you will be less likely to seek happiness, approval and recognition from outside yourself.

Express your true feelings – If you shy away from expressing what you really think or feel, you’re sending the message that you desires are unimportant. Make a conscious choice to say what you feel on the inside instead of what you think others might want to hear. Holding back your real feelings leads to unhappiness and frustration.

This week, take an honest look at your life, review the above tips and see if there is an inner area of your life where you can begin to cultivate happiness from the inside.

Have a “happy week”!


Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author



Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. To get tips, start living out loud with more enthusiasm, energy, passion, and self-confidence now, get your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life

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