Archive for Self Improvement
How Problems, Patterns and Perceptions Influence Your Behaviors
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If you’re anything like a lot of people, you’ve had your share of problems. And, that could be anything from a pesky leaky faucet to totaling your new car.
In the book, Power is Within You, written by the wise Louise Hays, she talks about how the problems we have with our cars may suggest some inner issue that we have not faced. For example, if you’re feeling stuck and can’t seem to move forward, that feeling might show up in the form of a flat tire preventing you from getting to your destination.
And, just as you would call your local auto club or a friend to fix your tire, you must call on your inner reserves and delve deep into the patterns and perceptions you embrace to repair the irrational beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Maybe you believe you can’t do anything right. You may regularly find yourself making mistakes that you label “stupid or dumb” such as forgetting to put the trash out on trash day. That’s a simple mistake that can easily be remedied and has nothing to do with your capabilities or worth.
Whether you believe it or not, the events that occur in our lives are directly connected to what we believe about the world, other people and ourselves.
We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions – Stephen Covey
Here are a few things to consider about problems, patterns and perceptions:
1. Inspect Your Expectations
Make a conscious effort to place realistic expectations on yourself and others. Try your best to consider the other person’s perspective. Ask yourself is your expectation is the result of a pattern or perception that the other person is not aware of. For example, your expectation might be that your daughter should rearrange her plans to take you to the mall today. Your may think that because she is your daughter, she should accommodate your request. If the word “should” enters your thoughts, it’s because you’re operating out of expectations.
2. Revise Your Patterns
A pattern is simply a blueprint of things you’ve always done. For example, if you’ve “always” hosted Sunday dinner for your in-laws, you’ve established a Sunday pattern. If you’ve ever sewn anything, you know that any pattern can easily be altered. The way to change a pattern is to measure and compare. Grade yourself on a scale of 1-10 as to whether or not you feel obligated, coerced or put upon by continuing this pattern,(with 10 being the most you are vested in sticking to the original pattern). If you find you’re stuck in a pattern that no longer works for you, change it to something that fits better with your timetable and lifestyle. And, of course, you can always say NO to anything you really don’t want to do!
3. Pesky Problems
Sometimes what we view as problems are nothing more than a bump in the road. It’s not a problem when you’re running late for an appointment and discover you have a flat tire. It’s an inconvenience. When your computer freezes up on you in the middle of a document, it’s not a problem. It’s an inconvenience. Many times we label inconveniences as problems when, in fact, it’s our perception and attitudes that allow “problems” to dictate our behavior and responses. It’s all about how you perceive them. If you view something as a problem, it will be a problem. But if you reframe it as an inconvenience, you know that it’s temporary and won’t change the course of your life.
Most of the time, it’s our perceptions and expectations that create “problems” and establish patterns that no longer fit. For more tips about how to align your perceptions with realistic expectations, visit http://cooachforyourdreams.com/blog
Gladys Anderson, Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, consultant, workshop facilitator and author of the soon to be published book, “Master the Genie Within”. She coaches women in the art of saying no and how to protect their precious time and energy by setting strong boundaries to create a uniquely crystal clear vision for the satisfying careers and relationships they truly want.
I’ve Never Been to ME
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When you think of a relationship do you think of the connection you have with your family, friends, money, co-workers and neighbors?
Of course you do.
But wait, don’t you also want to think about the loving healthy relationship you have with yourself? You do have a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, don’t you?
Or what about the relationship you have with money, your emotional well being, your integrity and your values?
One of my favorite songs is “I’ve Never Been to Me” by Nancy Wilson. In the song, she sings about meeting kings, queens and all the dreams she’s deferred but never been free to be herself. At least that’s my take on the song.
A lot of people have the trappings of what society tells us is a successful life. Take the case of Charlie Sheen, the TV star of the hit comedy, Two and a Half Men. You may recall the train wreck that caused him to fall from grace and self destruct. He had the huge salary, dream homes with luxurious furnishings, fancy cars, jewelry, and exotic vacations. But none of these accessories and outward signs of success equated to happiness and personal freedom.
Ultimately, you and only you are in charge of your happiness and success. All the money in the world does not insure you are living a successful, content and productive life.
If you feel coerced into doing something that you don’t personally approve of, you’re chipping away at your personal freedom.
When you lack the courage to ask questions and speak up for what’s right, you slice away at your integrity.
The freedom you’re looking for won’t come from engaging in reckless behavior or living a life of the rich and famous. The freedom you seek is the freedom to be real, uncovering the loving, brave and self-governed spirit that’s beneath all the outward signs of a happy and fulfilled life.
If you live an authentic life, you’ll never have to bemoan the song, “I’ve Never Been to Me”. If you do relate to the song, it means you’ve lost touch with your core self – the part of you that can’t easily be persuaded to follow the crowd – the part of you that has a core value system that can’t be compromised.
When you can stand up for what you believe without apology and do what’s right, even if you have to risk distancing yourself from family, friends and colleagues, you show up as the “real you”. Your beliefs, actions and values are in alignment and outer trappings of happiness and success do not sway you.
Keep in mind that the relationship you have with yourself is the most important relationship you’ll ever have.
How is the relationship you have with yourself?
To learn more and get your FREE audios of 7 Daily Self Care Tips, I invite you to join our Self Care Circle at http://coachforyourdreams.com.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other busy overwhelmed women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
How to Conquer Your Fears
Posted by: | CommentsDoes your throat close up at the thought of standing in front of your peers to give a presentation at work?
Are you afraid that people won’t like you if you say “no”?
Does the idea of starting your own business, or changing careers send shivers down your spine?
Some of the things you fear can keep you confined in a prison of immobility unable to make the necessary change to move forward. And, if not addressed, fear will eventually eat away at your self-confidence and prevent you from feeling empowered, decisive and free to make choices that enrich your life.
Although fear is a natural automatic response to scary situations, it’s not meant to block you from trying new things, following your dreams, or living your best life. Fear is a problem when it holds you hostage and prevents you from experiencing new and interesting things.
Here are some things you can do to create new thoughts about fear:
- Inspect your expectations – A common acronym for fear is “False Expectations Appearing Real”. Unrealistic expectations are a major contributor to fear. When you expect the worst to happen, it usually does. You can balance fear by thinking positively and setting realistic expectations for yourself and others.
- Question your fears – Ask yourself if the fear has merit. Most things we fear will never happen. For example, you may be asked to speak in front of a group and you spend time worrying that you’ll fall flat on your face. But, is this likely to happen? Probably not. Question the possibility of what might happen. Being well prepared goes a long way in alleviating a fear such as public speaking.
- Weigh the pros and cons – Fear loses its power when you remember that it’s simply a feeling. Except in life threatening situations, it can’t harm you. You can choose to ignore it, give in to it or move forward anyway. What is the likelihood of your fear materializing? If you make a mistake, can you correct it?
If you weigh the advantages and disadvantages of the fearful situation, you may discover that a negative expectation is guiding your decision-making.
Researchers tell us that the majority of things we worry about will never happen. I know that’s hard to believe when fear has a hold on you. But, if you can remember that conquering fear means you are empowered and you know when most of your fear is groundless, it becomes easier to overcome.
To learn more about how to conquer fear, I invite you to join our self-care circle and get your FREE special report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other busy overwhelmed women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care
What Are You Running From?
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Some of us run to compete in marathons, some of us run fast to keep up with the latest gadgets and newest social phenomena. Others run fast to get away from a ferocious bull whose chief goal is to thrust his sharp horns into your back.
I recently came across an article about the dangerous, and for some, exhilarating sport of running with bulls. While some consider it a sport, animal rights activists call it cruel and dangerous. Still, bull runs attract thousands of participants and spectators every year.
Every year since the 13th century during the San Fermin Festival, in Palmona, Spain, thousands of veterans and tourists flock to the annual running of the bulls. Although, it seems to me the people running are trying their best to run away from the bulls – not with them.
You may be wondering what running from bulls has to do with your life.
Let me share my take on it what it means to run with bulls. Running from bulls is a metaphor for life – taking risks and not letting fear stand in the way of pursuing your dreams. It means that fear doesn’t stop you from taking the risk and you are willing to do what it takes to achieve your goal.
The folk who engage in this dangerous and life threatening “sport” take the risk because they have decided to do it despite fear, danger or limitations. You may not take on such dangerous pursuits as running from bulls but most of us run in other ways.
You may not be trying to stay ahead of a herd of bulls but you may be running from other things that hold your back from living your best life.
Here are some examples of the things you may be running away from:
- Successes in achieving what you say you want because you don’t have a workable plan in place to reach your goals. A powerful way to achieve your goals is through visualization or using a vision board as a daily reminder.
- Opportunities and experiences that could enhance your life by allowing fear, doubt and limiting beliefs to creep into your mindset. Be open to trying new things. Don’t let fear sabotage you from participating in things that will bring you closer to living with joy, harmony and purpose.
- Abundance by focusing on scarcity rather than showing gratitude for what you already have. Use your gratitude journal to list all the things you are grateful for.
- Change because you’re stuck in the same old patterns of behavior. If doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is a recipe you follow, it’s time to make some adjustments to the ingredients. Let go of unrealistic expectations of yourself and others.
- Happiness by letting fears that have you overwhelmed, stressed and regretful keeping you from living your authentic purpose.
Whether you’re planning to run a marathon, run from bulls or run just because you can, the above examples can help you become aware of what you may be running away from.
And, to assist you on your journey, I invite you to get my FREE special report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other busy overwhelmed women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
5 Easy Changes to Make Your Self-Care a Top Priority
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photoI’m sure you remember the familiar flight attendant reminding you to make sure your oxygen mask is on before attempting to help your seatmate. Well, the same holds true for you and your self-care. If you don’t take good care of yourself, you won’t have the energy, desire or time to help those you care about.
I hear the same story over and over from women who bought into the excuse that they just “don’t have enough time” to make self care a top priority.
Often times, neglecting self-care leads to undue stress and other physical ailments such as high blood pressure, poor sleep patterns and a lack of energy. I recently spoke to a woman who was irritable, sleeping poorly, lacked energy and was borderline hypertensive. Yet, she could not make the connection between her symptoms and the need for self-care.
When you take time for self-care, you not only feel better but you also avoid emotional distress and physical ailments.
If you’ve put your self-care on the back burner, you can now move it to front and center by using these 5 easy changes to make your self-care a top priority:
- Commit to putting “me time” on your busy schedule at least once a week to indulge in a soothing massage, relaxing manicure or leisurely bath.
- Get up 15 minutes earlier than usual for some quiet time to meditate, pray or write in your journal. Early morning is a good time to get centered for the hectic day ahead.
- Instead of watching the late night news or putting in that last load of laundry, use the last half-hour of the evening to unwind and relax.
- Turn off your computer and phone for an hour. The world won’t stop spinning. Use this time for redirection, reflection and refocusing.
- Take a daily 5-10 minute break to relax with a soothing cup of tea or other beverage so that your mind and body has an opportunity to slow down and rejuvenate.
“There is no shame in giving to oneself, especially since it aids in having enough to give others.” ~ Rachel Arlene Singh
None of these tips take a lot of time out of your day. And, once you make your self-care a priority, I’m sure you’ll discover that you have more energy to take care of all the other demands made on you and your time.
Until next time…
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified life coach, family therapist and group coaching specialist, Gladys M. Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. To get more self-care tips, start by getting your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life
Communication Influences How Well You’re Perceived
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The way you communicate influences how well you’re perceived whether it be in your personal relationships, business or social settings. I recently spoke to someone on the phone who mumbled and practically whispered her words. I soon became agitated and after asking her to repeat what she said several times, I gave up and said I would have to call back at a more convenient time. I was really hoping that I would get someone different the next time I called.
Communication is much more than what you say.
Here are some ways to communicate so you’ll be heard every time:
- Speak in a strong, clear voice. A strong, clear voice commands attention and respect. A soft, whiney voice may be perceived as insecure, weak and ineffective.
- Speak deliberately and slow down but not so slow as to have people finish your sentences because it’s taking you so long to verbalize what you want to say. When you speak really fast, you’re perceived as someone who is nervous an unsure of herself
- Speaking clearly is different from speaking deliberately. For instance, if people constantly say ”huh”, or “say that again”, you’re probably mumbling. Take time to pronounce every word clearly.
- Join a Toastmasters group. These groups are supportive, encouraging and gives you a platform to practice your communication skills even if you don’t plan to become a professional speaker.
When you are speaking, remember not to mumble, speak clearly and pronounce your words clearly and you will very well on your way to increasing your confidence so that you will communicate effectively every time. The way you communicate can easily sabotage or enhance your position.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. To get tips, start living out loud with more enthusiasm, energy, passion, and self-confidence now, get your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life
Step Boldly Into Your Magnificence
Posted by: | Comments“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
– Marianne Williams
You would step boldly into your magnificence if you take to heart the above quote from Marianne Williams book, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”.
Do you minimize your accomplishments or shrink into the woodwork when it’s your time to shine?
Are you settling for less than you deserve in your personal life, career or social connections?
If your personal life is out of sorts, you’re stuck in an unfulfilling career, relationships and spend more time focused on other people’s problems, you are falling short of your magnificence.
To step boldly into your magnificence, I offer you the following suggestions:
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Change your conversation – When you encounter people who speak negative, you notice it won’t be long before you start to speak in the same way. Begin interjecting more positive talk into your conversations. Speak with integrity and refrain from engaging in negative conversations and meaningless activities that take away valuable time that could be spent developing magnificence.
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Practice self mastery – Strive for excellence in your conversations, your actions and reactions. This is where you begin to shift your mindset which influences your behavior in becoming magnificent. A very practical and powerful guide to living magnificently can be found in The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Michael Ruiz. Simply put, the four agreements are:
1. Be Impeccable With Your Words
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
4. Always Do Your Best
These four agreements are a practical guide for living authentic, confident, and in harmony with your best self.
Here are a few additional suggestions to step boldly into your magnificence:
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Attract magnificence – Once you commit to striving for excellence, the next step is when you turn your attention to others who are magnificent. Like attracts like. And when you are fully committed to magnificence, you will attract others who are focused and committed to living their best life.
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Take a risk – We all have faced challenges, obstacles, conflicts and struggles. And we must not let these things stop us from taking risks. Certainly, I don’t mean anything dangerous or harmful but to carefully consider stretching yourself to do more, achieve more and be more! Playing safe is a direct path to regret.
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Dare to be different – No one knows better than you what you want. So, set your own expectations and guide for your life. Trying to live up to someone else’s expectations for you is a sure way to sabotage your magnificence.
Show up bold, confident and step into your limelight. The world is waiting for you!
And, to get other self-care tips, tools and resources to stay focused and motivated to attract more joy, more time and more energy in your life, start by getting your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
How to Spark Your Passion
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Passion is a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything or someone, (i.e., a passion for music or a love interest), as defined by Dictionary.com.
Your passion is developed from a combination of what interests you and the things that stimulate and genuinely excite you. The level of fulfillment and energy you have is directly correlated to the intensity you feel about what you are passionate about.
Maybe, you love decorating, gardening or cooking and lose track of time when you’re engaged in an activity you truly love and enjoy doing.
Some children seem to have an uncanny ability to hone in to their passion early on and pursue it throughout adulthood. I think my grandson first recognized his passion for drums when he crawled over and opened the cabinet where my pots and pans are stored and discovered he could make “drum music”. He’s now an accomplished teenage musician and his love for all things musical has never waned since that early stimulus.
If you are pondering how to spark you passion, here are some ideas to ignite you:
- Name five things that inspire you – Write down all of the ideas you can think of. Look for the things that inspire and motivate you. Take notice of the books you read, magazines you subscribe to, the websites you visit, your collections, hobbies and anything else that comes to mind. I have always had a keen interest in self-help books long before I became a coach and family therapist. I read everything I could get my hands on about psychology and self-help. In retrospect, my passion was there early on and it kept popping up in the things that interested me and what I was attracted to. Only you know what inspires you. Give this some serious thought but don’t dwell on it – you may have to revisit it later. Take notice of the things surrounding you. What possessions, hobbies, books, or interests are you drawn to?
- Start a discovery journal – I first heard of a discovery journal when I read Simple Abundance: A Daybook of Comfort and Joy
by Sara Ban Breathnach. A discovery journal is an excellent tool to hone in on what inspires you. You can use an artists sketch book or a 3-hole notebook or binder. Cut out pictures, colors, quotes or anything that catches your eye from magazines, postcards and gives you a feeling of joy. And after collecting for a while, you will discover that you are attracted to certain colors, styles or particular types of quotes keeps popping up. Pay attention and narrow down what really interests you and notice if you feel enthusiastic, energized, and excited.
- Be open to unlimited possibilities – Think outside the box. Expand your comfort level and be open to experiencing something different. Be bold and courageous enough to move into new territories without being afraid. Enjoy the benefit of grasping new concepts, new ideas and push your imagination even further.
Take some time today to spark your passion by tapping into your creativity, imagination and inspiration.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. Get your copy of my FREE special report: Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life and stay in touch with me by email for more self-care tips.
Who Else Wants to End 2010 With a Bang?
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Summer has hardly settled into Autumn and already I’m starting to see Holiday advertisements long before I’m ready to even think about shopping, cooking, entertaining and decorating. Maybe it’s just me, but everything seems rushed and the weeks just seem to fly by.
I still have a lot to accomplish before year end and maybe you do too. And no matter how much you plan and organize, you are still adding to your to-do-list.
I don’t know about you but with a little over than 3 months left in 2010, I have many miles to go before I sleep!
So, who else wants to end 2010 with a bang?
I sure do.
And, here are some tips to give you a head start to end 2010 with a bang:
- Review your goals – Review the things you want to accomplish and If necessary, make adjustments to the goals you sent at the beginning on the year. Focus only on those goals that you can realistically achieve in the next fifty- three days.
- Create an action plan – An action plan is not your to do list! An action plan clearly details each step you will take to reach your goal. For example, you may want to finish your book before the end of year. So your plan would be to write 1-2 pages a day for an hour every day.
- Stay committed – If you are not committed to following your plan, you can easily be derailed by busy-ness, procrastination and intrusions.
- Get some rest – It’s difficult to follow your plan when you are overtired and frustrated. Don’t burn the candle at both ends or you will surely burnout and not have the energy to follow through.
- Organize – Clutter can easily cause you to be distracted and overwhelmed. Make sure your workspace is free of clutter so that you remain focused and clear.
As you approach the end of the year, keep in mind that it’s not too late to accomplish what you set out to do in January. Revise, review and reinvent how you want the last few months of the year to look. I’ll be doing the same and I would love for you to connect with me to share your progress.
Gladys M. Anderson Empowerment Specialist
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. To get tips, start living out loud with more enthusiasm, energy, passion, and self-confidence now, get your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life
Your life is a Sum Total of Your Responses to the Choices You Have Made
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Years ago, when I first heard the quote “our lives are the sum total of the choices we have made”, by Dr. Wayne Dyer, I quickly discounted it just as a lot of people do. Because I was so wrapped up in my “stories” about what should have happened that I didn’t see how I could possibly have been remotely responsible for how the choices I made were reflected in my life.
As I gave the quote more thought, I came to realize it had more meaning for me when I interpreted it this way – Your life is a sum total of your responses to the choices you have made. Maybe I’m taking too much liberty with Dr. Dyer’s quote but that’s a choice I get to make.
If you look at the quote as how the choices you made are connected to distressing thoughts, you take responsibility for your choices and are empowered to release the burden of unrealistic expectations you’ve placed on yourself and others.
We make choices every day, every minute and sometimes our choices don’t bring the desired results. It’s not the results that cause angst, it’s your response to it that causes stress. I made a choice to purchase one car over another and realized later that I hadn’t made the best choice for myself. Did I ruminate over it, stress over or spend time trying to figure out how I could reverse my choice. You bet I did! But, only for a short time. It was around the time I made my choice that I come across Dr. Dyer’s quote again. After that I put on my “other” thinking cap and decided I wouldn’t stress over it or question the reality of the choice I made.
Who knows, just maybe the universe designed that I would have this car and not another.
In Byron Katie’s book, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life
Had I attached to the thought that I made a bad decision, I would still be stressed, unable to appreciate the fact that I do have a reliable, safe car to drive and could have easily become attached to a stressful thought about a choice I made.
What about you? If you believe your life is a sum total of your responses to the choices you have made, how do you avoid attaching to stressful thoughts about the choices you’ve made? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.
Until next time…
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
