Archive for Self-Care Tips
Holiday Traditions, Rituals and Habits
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Holiday Traditions, rituals and habits are staples of our American culture. But just because your mom or grandmother always did things a certain way doesn’t mean you have to unless you really want to.
In my family, our holiday traditions are wide ranging. Pumpkin pie at Thanksgiving is as traditional as it gets but we’re not exactly the “pumpkin pie” kind of family. We might have the traditional turkey at Thanksgiving or we might have something non traditional like lobster for dinner depending on our mood. We might open our presents or Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. We might invite guests for a sit down dinner or host an open house during the holidays. Maybe, your holiday traditions in your family include y volunteering to serve food at a homeless shelter.
Just because your mother or grandmother always made a roast for the holiday dinner, you don’t have to carry on that tradition unless it’s something you enjoy doing and want to do it.
What traditions do you plan to include or create for your holiday celebrations?
Give yourself permission to create whatever memories are meaningful for you and your family.
You may even decide to skip the cooking, planning, shopping and cleaning altogether and spend the holidays somewhere you and your family can be pampered so you can concentrate on enjoying quality time together.
Whatever traditions, rituals or habits you engage in, make sure you include some down time, fun and relaxation in your holiday plans.
And to get some stress busting, sanity-saving tips to make your holidays more enjoyable, click here to get your copy of “30 Tips in 30 Minutes for Making Your Holidays Stress-Free, Budget-Friendly and Loaded with Remarkably Rewarding Memories.”
Enjoy Your Holidays!!!
Gladys Anderson, Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson is a certified life coach, family therapist certified group coaching specialist and author of the forthcoming book, “Master the Genie Within: Uncover, Embrace and Celebrate the Real You”. Her competitive edge is empowering women in the helping professions to set boundaries, take charge of their lives and enjoy satisfying relationships and careers.
How to Conquer Your Fears
Posted by: | CommentsDoes your throat close up at the thought of standing in front of your peers to give a presentation at work?
Are you afraid that people won’t like you if you say “no”?
Does the idea of starting your own business, or changing careers send shivers down your spine?
Some of the things you fear can keep you confined in a prison of immobility unable to make the necessary change to move forward. And, if not addressed, fear will eventually eat away at your self-confidence and prevent you from feeling empowered, decisive and free to make choices that enrich your life.
Although fear is a natural automatic response to scary situations, it’s not meant to block you from trying new things, following your dreams, or living your best life. Fear is a problem when it holds you hostage and prevents you from experiencing new and interesting things.
Here are some things you can do to create new thoughts about fear:
- Inspect your expectations – A common acronym for fear is “False Expectations Appearing Real”. Unrealistic expectations are a major contributor to fear. When you expect the worst to happen, it usually does. You can balance fear by thinking positively and setting realistic expectations for yourself and others.
- Question your fears – Ask yourself if the fear has merit. Most things we fear will never happen. For example, you may be asked to speak in front of a group and you spend time worrying that you’ll fall flat on your face. But, is this likely to happen? Probably not. Question the possibility of what might happen. Being well prepared goes a long way in alleviating a fear such as public speaking.
- Weigh the pros and cons – Fear loses its power when you remember that it’s simply a feeling. Except in life threatening situations, it can’t harm you. You can choose to ignore it, give in to it or move forward anyway. What is the likelihood of your fear materializing? If you make a mistake, can you correct it?
If you weigh the advantages and disadvantages of the fearful situation, you may discover that a negative expectation is guiding your decision-making.
Researchers tell us that the majority of things we worry about will never happen. I know that’s hard to believe when fear has a hold on you. But, if you can remember that conquering fear means you are empowered and you know when most of your fear is groundless, it becomes easier to overcome.
To learn more about how to conquer fear, I invite you to join our self-care circle and get your FREE special report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other busy overwhelmed women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care
What Are You Running From?
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Some of us run to compete in marathons, some of us run fast to keep up with the latest gadgets and newest social phenomena. Others run fast to get away from a ferocious bull whose chief goal is to thrust his sharp horns into your back.
I recently came across an article about the dangerous, and for some, exhilarating sport of running with bulls. While some consider it a sport, animal rights activists call it cruel and dangerous. Still, bull runs attract thousands of participants and spectators every year.
Every year since the 13th century during the San Fermin Festival, in Palmona, Spain, thousands of veterans and tourists flock to the annual running of the bulls. Although, it seems to me the people running are trying their best to run away from the bulls – not with them.
You may be wondering what running from bulls has to do with your life.
Let me share my take on it what it means to run with bulls. Running from bulls is a metaphor for life – taking risks and not letting fear stand in the way of pursuing your dreams. It means that fear doesn’t stop you from taking the risk and you are willing to do what it takes to achieve your goal.
The folk who engage in this dangerous and life threatening “sport” take the risk because they have decided to do it despite fear, danger or limitations. You may not take on such dangerous pursuits as running from bulls but most of us run in other ways.
You may not be trying to stay ahead of a herd of bulls but you may be running from other things that hold your back from living your best life.
Here are some examples of the things you may be running away from:
- Successes in achieving what you say you want because you don’t have a workable plan in place to reach your goals. A powerful way to achieve your goals is through visualization or using a vision board as a daily reminder.
- Opportunities and experiences that could enhance your life by allowing fear, doubt and limiting beliefs to creep into your mindset. Be open to trying new things. Don’t let fear sabotage you from participating in things that will bring you closer to living with joy, harmony and purpose.
- Abundance by focusing on scarcity rather than showing gratitude for what you already have. Use your gratitude journal to list all the things you are grateful for.
- Change because you’re stuck in the same old patterns of behavior. If doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results is a recipe you follow, it’s time to make some adjustments to the ingredients. Let go of unrealistic expectations of yourself and others.
- Happiness by letting fears that have you overwhelmed, stressed and regretful keeping you from living your authentic purpose.
Whether you’re planning to run a marathon, run from bulls or run just because you can, the above examples can help you become aware of what you may be running away from.
And, to assist you on your journey, I invite you to get my FREE special report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other busy overwhelmed women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
Loosen Your Grip on Time
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Time is a precious commodity just like gold or diamonds. But, we don’t always value our time the same as we do for something we can reach out and touch. We say, we waste time, kill time, make time and hold onto time. And, we think time flies as fast as a 747. We never seem to have enough of it or we have too much.
Yet, we are all given the same gift of 24 of hours or 1440 minutes in a 24-hour period.
So, how are you using this valuable gift?
I started to think about how I spend my time recently when one of my subscribers said, “I have to loosen my grip on my time”. I wasn’t quite sure what she meant by that so I asked.
This is part of the answer she gave me:
“We must loosen our grip on our time and minds by letting go of what no longer serves us”…
The more I thought about what she said, the more I realized how much time I spend playing my favorite game, Chuzzle or flitting from website to website when I could be doing something much more productive.
Here are some ideas to loosen your grip on time:
- Re-evaluate your priorities – Are you focusing on how much you have to do with little time to complete your tasks? Do you want to paint the bathroom, rearrange the cupboards or spend quality time with your family? Only you can decide what’s most important to you and how much you can accomplish within a given time frame. Set realistic priorities on your time and energy to avoid overwhelm.
- Eliminate unnecessary interruptions – Chit chat is a great way to unwind and catch up with friends. But if you’re spending hours on the phone, perhaps you could reduce the time you talk on the phone or simply turn off the ringer so you can accomplish one of the goals you’ve set for yourself.
- Perform a mind cleanse – Whenever you’re feeling like you’re running out of time, stop for a few minutes to clear the cobwebs clinging to your brain. It my sound counterproductive, but taking a few minutes to unwind will give you the energy boost you need to continue the tasks at hand.
Maybe you don’t play games, surf the web endlessly or spend your time talking on the phone, but I’ll bet you can easily think of some ways you can use your 1440 minutes doing something more productive and rewarding.
How do you loosen your grip on time? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.
Gladys M. Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
Personal Boundary Success Tips
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Your relationships are mirror images of the view you have of yourself and are a direct reflection of the relationships you have in your life. You are an integral part of any relationship and the role you play is crucial as to whether or not your relationships are successful, healthy, thriving or unhealthy and withering. Without relationships in your life, you would not know what upsets you, what excites you, when to make a choice that’s in your best interest or what things trigger an automatic negative or positive response in you. That’s why it’s important to set strong boundaries around what you will do, accept, and give.
“Without a strong concept of your boundaries, you can easily react and respond in ways that don’t honor the person you truly are”
You may see some of these behaviors displayed when you or someone you know doesn’t have strong boundaries:
- Appearing timid and fearful in unfamiliar settings
- Constantly “busy” with rarely any time to take care of yourself
- Agreeing to do things out of guilt even when you’re screaming “NO” inside
- Generously gives of her time and energy but has difficulty receiving compliments or gifts from others
- Often says, “I don’t know” or “It doesn’t matter” when faced with making a choice/decision
- Worries about making mistakes or overly concerned with what others will think of her
Any of the above behaviors are merely smoke screens to hide the fact that boundaries are weak. To clear the fog, here are some personal boundary success tips you can use to replace weak boundary behaviors:
- Focus on your resources, gifts, talents and abilities. List all the things you’ve been able to accomplish. This is your success sheet. By focusing on your past successes, you build confidence and are motivated to try something new.
- Spend some time in quiet reflection to think about what you want to attract into your life. It may be easier at first to list all the things you don’t want and then turn them into positive things you do want.
- Learn to accept compliments/gifts graciously. Don’t say, “you shouldn’t have” or “this old thing – I’ve had it forever”. Simply, say, “thank you” and nothing else. You may have to practice refraining from embellishment a few times until you get comfortable accepting gifts and compliments graciously.
- Whenever there’s a slip up in setting your boundaries, look at it as a learning opportunity and move on. No one is perfect and we all make mistakes. The important thing is that you recognize the mistake and grow from it.
- Acknowledge all feelings – anger, sadness, anxiety, fear, and depression. All of your feelings are valid. Either confide in a trusted friend or write your thoughts in a journal so that they don’t linger on them and allow them to derail your efforts.
- Avoid negative self-talk. Don’t call yourself “lazy”, “stupid, or say things like, “I never do anything right, I’m such a screw up”. Your words become your thoughts and your thoughts become your actions. So, be careful of the words you use so that the words you say to yourself don’t become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Your personal boundary is the foundation for every relationship, interaction and reaction you have. Strong personal boundaries lay the groundwork for how you treat yourself and how you allow others to treat you. To learn more about boundaries, I invite you to join our self-care circle and get your FREE special report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys M. Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
Supercharge Good Self-Care Practices
Posted by: | CommentsSupercharging your good self-care practices is not just about getting the occasional manicure, massage or facial. Although, I’m certainly not opposed to these sweet indulgences!
photo credit: dMap Travel Guideimage
There are as many ways to practice good self- care as there are ripples in the ocean. Unfortunately, most women overlook what it takes to build the foundation of good self-care.
Taking care of yourself is not just the things you do for yourself, it’s also about taking good care of what you feel deep inside. You can start by clearing away the fog from the mirror so you can see and begin to appreciate who you really are.
Here are a few ways you can begin to supercharge good self-care practices:
- Trust your instincts – Distrust is an inner feeling of caution or lack of belief, which leads you to suspect someone of being dishonest or having a hidden agenda. For example, you may “distrust” a stranger who acts suspicious or you perceive as “odd” . Or, you may have little or no faith in the rhetoric spouted by politicians. Mistrust is not to be confused with distrust. Mistrust is to merely lack confidence in someone or even yourself. Listen attentively to what your instincts or gut feeling is saying. Don’t mistrust your instincts. It will guide your way.
- Get a handle on fear – Fear and doubt crept in for me when I was about 6-7 years old. I heard, “don’t do that”, “don’t go there”, “don’t think ‘that’ – “it’s dangerous”,” you could hurt yourself”, “it’s not good for you”. What messages to send to an impressionable child who would need all the confidence and assertiveness she could muster to overcome challenges and risk believing in herself! My early training taught me to fear the unknown, mistrust my decision-making and to be cautious about how dangerous it was “out there”. I’ve since learned that fear is an emotion like any other and that I get to decide how dangerous or uncomfortable I feel in any situation. If fear has you stuck – not taking risks – or afraid of outcomes, you must treat fear as an enemy and either ignore it or show it who’s really in charge of your life.
- Exhale – When we exhale, our chest expands with a sigh of relief that allows space to take in fresh air. I liken this to breathing in whispers of confidence, courage and a strong belief in ourselves. And in doing so, we exhale toxic fear, self-doubt and diminished self-worth.
Believe in yourself, trust yourself and discount any and all messages you have received that limit you and keep you from living the life you were meant to live.
Gladys M. Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
Step Out Boldly with Confidence, Courage and Clarity
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You can easily learn to live with confidence, courage and clarity by simply putting into practice some new ways of thinking about the messages you’ve internalized that prevent you from living life to the fullest.
Imagine constantly hearing the message, “children should be seen and not heard”? That’s a message that shuts down creativity, self-expression and pushes your confidence level down deeper than a ship sunken at the bottom of the ocean.
I certainly heard that along with a lot of other limiting messages. But, the good news is I no longer carry the burden of limitation, doubt and fear.
And, you don’t have to either.
You may not have experienced such a shut down as this but many people have. And that ultimately leads to a lack of confidence, fear and a profound hesitancy to express your feelings or ask for what you want.
Fortunately, that kind of thinking has become obsolete (at least I certainly hope so).
I’ve learned to counter those negative messages and teach countless women to overcome fear, self doubt so they can live with confidence, courage and clarity.
And, here are some tips you can use to step boldly into the life you want and deserve:
- Crush Fear At Its Root – Fear is what keeps you stuck in a mindset of limitation, doubt and uncomfortable in unfamiliar situations where you don’t know the outcome. You may not know the outcome of an experience but take the first step anyway. When you do what you are afraid of or uncomfortable doing, you will triumph over fear every time.
- Be Open To Possibilities – You have unlimited possibilities available to you every day to pursue your dreams and live fulfilled and meaningful lives. Brainstorm ways to tap into the possibilities available to you.
- Stop Making Excuses – Excuses prevent you from living life out loud with courage, confidence and clarity and keeps you from moving forward. Banish excuses and replace them with what is possible.
- Repeat Positive Affirmations – Affirmations will lift your spirit and build your confidence level. For example, “I receive confidence and self-assurance as often as I need it”; “I am open to limitless possibilities”.
- Encourage Yourself Often – Give yourself a pat on the back or a gold star every time you open up to a new possibility, or do something you fear. Doing so builds the confidence you need to try something new and different.
- Make informed choices and stick to your decision – Once you are sure of what’s best for YOU, choices become easier because you’re not trying to live up to someone else’s expectations or looking for validation or acceptance.
No matter what experiences you’ve had that zapped your confidence, has you stuck in fear or uncertain about what steps to take next, you can begin today to make changes that will greatly enhance your life. A great way to start living with courage, confidence and clarity is by getting my free special report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys M. Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
How to Build Resilient Relationships
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The most important relationship you’ll ever have is the one you have with yourself. Relationships with partners, family, friends and colleagues all hinge on the one you develop with yourself.
When your inner relationship suffers, all other connections fall short of being as effective as they could be.
For example:
- Feeling undeserving will prevent you from experiencing the joy and happiness you are worthy of.
- Fearfulness keeps you stuck and connected to people and behaviors that create negativity and doubt into your life.
- You may allow others to make decisions for you based on a faulty belief that your ideas and thoughts will be rejected.
A strong foundation of confidence and self-worth are the building blocks to relationship building with yourself and others. And if, on occasion, you feel you don’t deserve goodness and happiness, the feeling is short lived when you are resilient and can bounce back to your true self.
Here are some ways you can spark a resilient relationship:
- Choose to speak up and boldly ask for what you want.
- Cultivate the belief that you deserve happiness, joy, prosperity and abundance in your life.
- Let go of negative, energy draining people and situations.
- Detach your emotional energy from pessimism and the exhausting demands on your time and power.
- Be open to attract more positive interactions and circumstances in your life.
- Replace faulty beliefs about how you are perceived with confidence building affirmations.
- Acknowledge and appreciate your accomplishments without waiting for validation, approval and acceptance from others.
- Establish strong limits around what is acceptable, what you are willing to do and how much you can comfortably give.
And, if you are ready to build a resilient relationships in your life, you may want to start with your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
What’s in Your Self-Care Toolbox?
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What’s in your self-care toolbox? Just as you have physical tools to complete tasks and projects, you also use tools that help you maintain your self-care.
You probably have a computer, smartphone, e-reader or other tool that you use to stay organized, focused, entertained and on track. These are the same tools that once were considered faddish, sophisticated or out of reach for the average user.
Yet, most of us can’t imagine our lives without our cell phones, electronic calendars, music players and game consoles.
Can you recall what it was like to connect with your long distance family and friends or even conduct business before we had Skype, Facebook, e-mail, or webcams? These are the tools that are so ingrained in our everyday lives that we now take them for granted.
I may be dating myself, but I can recall when we wrote letters that took 5-7 days to reach the recipient or the days when my long distance charges could feed several families in a third world country.
Tools serve a useful purpose in our daily lives. And in most cases, tools make our lives easier and more manageable. Our self-care toolbox is as essential as the scissors we use to cut paper and fabric or hammers and nails to hold things together.
In other words, a tool can be considered anything that helps us get the job done whether it’s a physical task or the emotional job of living your best life.
For instance, here are some of the things I have in my self-care toolbox that help me to stay organized, focused, accountable and inspired:
- A journal for recording thoughts, desires, and feelings that otherwise I might forget
- Passion about the things I love
- Humor for the time when life trips me up
- Calendar to make sure I adhere to a schedule
- Kindness to offset hurtful behaviors and harsh words
- Address book so I don’t have to remember a multitude of cell phone numbers, home phone numbers, email addresses and birthdays
- Gratitude journal to remind me to be thankful for what I already have
- Affirmations to replace negative, limiting and scarcity filled messages
- Patience for the times when I’m irritable and rushed
- Quotes and inspirational writings for the times I need uplifting
- Good friends whom I can call on for encouragement and support
- Commitment to finding a way to make it happen
What’s in your self-care toolbox?
And, to get another helpful tool for your self-care toolbox, I invite you to join our self-care circle and get a FREE Special Report, Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life .
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care
How Much “Stuff” Do I Really Need?
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I’m sure, like me, you’ve asked yourself many times, “how much stuff do I really need” or said, “I have way too much stuff” or “I need to get rid of some of this clutter”.
Every year my town offers a shredding day where old papers, checks, junk mail and other useless papers are recycled into a large travelling truck. And each year as I round up all these worthless pieces of paper for the shredder truck, I can’t help but wonder how I manage to accumulate so much stuff.
Maybe, you are organized and don’t accumulate clutter. If so, congratulations! But most of us find ourselves with more “stuff” than we know what to do with.
Even though there are times when I can proudly say I’ve streamline my stuff and got rid things I no longer find useful, beautiful or interesting, I still find myself surrounded by some clutter!
And I’ll bet you do too!
Does any of this stuff sound familiar to you?
- An overstuffed closet filled with relics that you know you won’t ever wear or fit into again
- The drawer stuffed with enough pens, pencils, staples and tape to supply 10 small offices for a year
- Furniture stored in the attic or basement that is broken or you no longer want or use
- Stacks of all occasion cards you’ll forget to send
- Hundreds of obsolete cassette tapes on which you have nothing to play them
- A bookshelf lined with books you won’t read or re-read
- Toys you’re holding on to even though your children are all grown up
- Old magazines that by now you’ve forgotten the article you wanted to save
Ask yourself:
If I didn’t have all this clutter, what spaces would open up for me to have more of the things that really matter to me the most?
It all comes down to what you really need to foster the best results for your life!
I’m not talking about the individuals who amass an excessive amount of possessions that are hazardous, worthless or unsanitary and causes peril in their daily living (i.e., showering, cleaning, cooking, sleeping). This type of compulsive behavior is mental health disorder known as hoarding.
Most of us don’t fall into that category.
Those of us who have too much stuff generally lead busy, hectic lives with limited time and energy to pare down and de-clutter.
From time to time, we’ve all experienced a cluttered workspace or home environment. But, I have learned to question my thoughts and examine what else may be going on in my life when clutter leads to disorganization and overwhelm. For example, when I let my desk get cluttered, it usually means I’m procrastinating. It’s important to consider what underlying thoughts you have about cluttering. For instance, if you constantly send messages to yourself that you’re sloppy, disorganized and unproductive, you’ve successfully trained your mind to respond to a belief that limits you from taking action. Or the underlying belief may be that having all of your “things” out where you can see them gives you a feeling of control.
You may want to find out if your town has a shredding day so you can begin the process of getting rid of some of your stuff – the unnecessary papers – so you can make room to thrive and grow. You will think clearly, create more order in your surroundings and free up energy to focus on the things that are most important to you.
And, to help you take charge of clutter and have more personal control in your life, I invite you to get your FREE Special Report: “Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life” for more tips, insights and guidance.
What are you willing to do now to start getting rid of some of your “stuff“?
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
