Archive for Self-Care Practices
How to Become More Patient With Yourself, Friends and Family
Posted by: | Comments“Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain cool and unruffled under all circumstances” – Thomas Jefferson
Sometimes it’s hard to be patient when the person ahead of you is holding up the line digging through her purse to find her debit card (as if she didn’t know she was going to make a purchase). Or, maybe you need to quickly complete a task and the hourglass on your computer won’t go away.
If you’re anything like me, you can quickly become annoyed when delays cause inconvenience or eat away at your time. And, it’s usually because you are either rushing or have set some unrealistic expectations for yourself or someone else. Wanting things done in a reasonable time frame, being organized and proactive are wonderful traits when it comes to things like completing tasks or projects that you can control. But when you’re at the whim of someone else’s timetable, that kind of thinking only leads to frustration, annoyance, anger and impatience. You can only control things that are within your control.
Here’s how you can become more patient with yourself, friends and family when you notice your feathers are being ruffed:
Look within for the source of the irritation – Are you rushed? Are you trying to fit in just one more thing into your already busy schedule? Did you skip breakfast or lunch? When you’re rushed and not sufficiently nourished, you are more likely to become frustrated easier and have less tolerance. Adding on more things that you can reasonably accomplish in a given time frame, is a recipe for impatience. Try to schedule no more than you can accomplish in an hour, a day or a week. Set achievable and realistic goals.
Detach from Impatience – A quick way to detach from irritation or anger is to take several deep breaths while reminding yourself that the situation is temporary. The longer you stay irritated, the less patience you can display.
Count to 10 – This is a tried and true method to reduce frustration and anger. Count slowly to 10 (or 100 if need be). Once you reach the selected number, you’ll find yourself more relaxed and better able to handle the situation. As an added benefit, try deep breathing while counting.
Think of impatience as a teaching moment and that you are being presented with an opportunity to remind yourself to slow down and become more patient. Doing so, gives you control of your feelings and responses to the people and situations in your life.
And, to help you show more patience and take more control of your life, I invite you to join our Self-Care Circle for more tips, insights and guidance.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
How to Pamper Yourself on Mother’s Day and Everyday!
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Most mothers, I’m sure, expect to be pampered, wined, dined and treated extra special on Mother’s Day.
I don’t expect that this Mother’s Day will be any different for a lot of us.
But whether you are a mother or not, or have someone to indulge you, there’s no reason why you can’t take the time to pamper yourself on Mother’s Day and everyday by indulging in a little self-care. Any day is a good day to treat yourself to some pampering.
You deserve it!
So, in preparation for your designated day of pampering, here are some ideas to get you on your way:
- Spend the day with nothing more on your agenda but YOU. Relax and do only the things you enjoy – no cleaning, cooking or other household chores!
- Schedule a manicure, facial, pedicure or massage. Let someone else pamper you while you just relax and enjoy. Doing so will free you up to do more enjoyable things.
- Take an afternoon nap, wake refreshed and then put your feet up and relax some more, perhaps, with a mesmerizing novel or movie.
- Treat yourself to a delicious meal at your favorite restaurant. If you’re shy about eating alone, entertain yourself by making up amusing stories about the other diners, catch up on your reading or write in your journal.
- Take some time to reconnect with an old friend to reminisce, laugh and revisit pleasant memories.
- Light a lavender candle or spray a lavender scented mist in the air for a calming and uplifting effect.
- Do something fun. Take in a comical move, enjoy a leisurely stroll around your neighborhood or local park or spend the day at the beach catching up on your reading. It’s not an indulgence to do fun, playful things. In fact, fun activities are good for your emotional and mental health.
Whether you decide to spend Mother’s Day pampering yourself with a little self-care or make your self-care a priority another time of your choosing, remember, we all need our body, mind and spirit nurtured, pampered and loved on a regular basis.
And, to find out more about how you can indulge in a little self-care, get your FREE Special Report: “Building Strong Boundaries to Create More Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life”
Have a Happy Mother’s Day!
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family Therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to reclaim their time, energy, joy, freedom and confidence so they have more space in their busy lives to include self-care.
Your Boundary is Your Invisible Self-Monitoring Tool
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There are a variety of tools available to keep you on track such as budgets, time management, journals and vision boards. And, like the other tools you avail yourself of to stay on track and reach your goals, you can also use your invisible self-monitoring tool to create strong boundaries that protect you from time stealers, energy drainers and negativity.
I’m sure you wouldn’t allow guests in your home to trample on your furniture, paint on your walls or deface your property in some other way.
Yet, many times, we unwittingly invite people to disrespect our boundaries by leaving a trail of negativity in their wake.
For example:
- The “friend” who does not listen to you or value your opinions
- People who infringe on your time without respect for your time limits
- Anyone who frequently refuses to accept “no” as your final answer
- Erratic behavior aimed directly at you
- Holding on to relationships and behaviors you find intolerable or offensive
Think of your boundaries as the invisible shield that protects you from negativity and harmful behaviors.
Your boundary is your invisible self-monitoring tool. Here are a few ways to use it:
- Don’t hold on to commitments, relationships or behaviors that no longer serve a useful purpose. Understand when it’s time to let go of things that no longer serve you. Your precious time could be better spent pursuing activities that bring you joy and enrich your life.
- Be willing to let go of the things in your life that don’t honor your boundaries. You may recognize that it’s time to let go but maybe you are not quite willing to let go. You never know what doors will open with just the right opportunity when you have made space for it.
- Exercise your right to make a choice about how, when and what you spend your time doing. If you don’t value your time, no one else will either. Making the choice to set limits on your time, energy and resources creates strong time boundaries and space so that you can engage in the things that are really important to you.
- Accept change. Change is inevitable…nothing stays the same. Change is a vehicle for growth and an opportunity to experience something new and exciting. If nothing else, change the way you look at things. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change – Wayne Dyer
When someone violates your boundaries by devaluing your opinions, choices and ideas, it’s up to you to say a resounding NO and take charge of how you want to live your life.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
A Vision Board to Create the Life You Want
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If you’re anything like me, the book, “The Secret” gave me my first glimpse of a vision board. And, like a lot of people, I thought if I cut out some pictures and quotes from magazines, put them up where I could see them everyday then magically I would attract what I wanted.
Wrong!
Your vision board is much more than just a hodge podge collection of images. It’s an easy to use tool that helps you manifest your deepest desires. You simply collect vivid images, inspiring quotes and positive affirmations. You then place them on a poster board where you can see them everyday. But what’s most overlooked and a vital part of creating your vision is the “feelings” you attach to the images.
For example, you may be holding a vision for a new car, house or job but if you don’t experience the feeling of cruising down the interstate in you dream car, or feel what it’s like to walk down the halls in your new house, all the pictures in the world won’t manifest what you want.
To make your vision board even more effective, try adding affirmations. For example, if your dream is to have more family time, you could add an affirmation that says, “I am enjoying spending quality time with my family”. If it were a new car you’re dreaming of, paste a picture of you next to the car and add the affirmation: “I love driving my red sports car.”
Without attaching a feeling to your images, your pictures are just pictures.
Here’s what you need to get started:
- Search through magazines, brochures, circulars, and the Internet for images that create emotion and depict exactly what you want to attract.
- Once you have an assortment of images, cut them out and glue, pin or tape them on a piece of poster board.
- Place your vision board in a prominent place where you can look at it every day and experience the emotion of that image. It’s important to feel the emotions so that you images will become real in your mind.
Supplies
- 8-1/2 x 11 card stock. Some experts say that each area of your life should have its own space. For example, one for family, career, health, prosperity, travel, etc. This may sound a little daunting at first but it can also serve as a means to narrow down your focus.
- 20 x 30 card stock. Instead of the smaller card stock and if you have the wall space for it, you may prefer the 20 x 30 or similar size. The larger size may be a better choice, particularly if you prefer having everything where you can see it in one place. Both the larger and smaller sizes can easily be found at office supply, craft or discount stores.
- A computer generated board works best for some people. There are several good choices on line if this is your preference.
- Artist Tablet – If you want portability, an artist tablet may work better for you.
- Push pins, glue, or tape to secure your images to the poster board
Of course, creating a vision board without experiencing the emotions attached to the images, taking action and believing you can have what you want is like sitting around counting raindrops.
You must first believe you deserve your dream, imagine yourself in it and feel the emotions of having what you desire. It won’t happen if you just park yourself in front of your vision board wishing and hoping.
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family Therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to reclaim their time, energy, joy, freedom and confidence so they have more space in their busy lives to include self-care.
How to Deal With Disappointment – Learn From It
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Just about the time I started the draft for my book, developing a new product and feeling pretty good about the way things were shaping up, out of the blue a zinger hit me! Things just didn’t turn out the way I had planned. I was disappointed and my confidence level plummeted.
I could have easily taken refuge under the covers, never to emerge again from my self-imposed exile into inertia. And, literally, I did retreat to the safety of my bed for a while. I was unmotivated and ready to throw in the towel.
One day as I sat at my desk mindlessly shuffling a stack of papers, I was lifted out of my fog by one of my favorite vocalists, Diana Krall, belting out “Pick Yourself Up and Start All Over Again” on the radio:
Nothings impossible I have found
For when my chin is on the ground
I pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again
Don’t lose your confidence if you slip
Be grateful for a pleasant trip
And pick yourself up,
Dust yourself off and start all over again
Bingo! That was exactly the message I needed to hear!
Instead of being productive and focused I realized how much time and energy I had given to just one disappointment. I let it plunge me into a state of doubt and confusion. I let it zap my energy, chip away at my confidence and mire me in a state of unproductive “busy” work.
Has that ever happened to you?
You may be wondering how I could get stuck in such bottomless pit. Well, I got there like everyone else – by allowing it. I allowed it by dwelling on what “could/should” have been and letting one setback color my world with a smokescreen.
But the good news is I learned from disappointment and can now get back on track and silence the negative chatter that distracted me from starting fresh.
Here’s what I learned from dealing with disappointments:
- Reevaluate Your Expectations – Disappointment may mean that you’ve set an unrealistic expectation. When you encounter disappointment and find yourself procrastinating and stuck. Instead of staying mired in time wasting, unproductive activities, use the time to reflect and re-focus on your expectations. The result just might be more clarity, relaxation and direction.
- Acknowledge setbacks but don’t dwell on them – Don’t beat yourself up if things don’t turn out the way you expected. Remember, a setback is a temporary condition that you can use to re-evaluate your priorities. Dwelling on a setback only serves to erode your confidence and keep you from achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself. The key is to learn from the lesson lurking in the setback and move on to things that give you a sense of accomplishment and success.
- Go with the flow – If I’m procrastinating, maybe my mind and body is telling me to just “be”. Down time is not a bad thing. And, when all is said and done, it’s good to just “chill out” – take a nap or go for a walk to rejuvenate your mind, body and spirit.
So, when you’re dealing with disappointment and things don’t turn out the way you expected, take solace from the song, pick yourself up and start all over again.
How do you pick yourself up when faced with setbacks, procrastination and disappointment?
And, to get more motivational tips, I invite you to visit http://buildingstrongboundaries.com to join our Self-Care Circle and get your free Special Report, Building Strong Boundaries that Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life.
Gladys Anderson |Self-Care Genie
Gladys Anderson, founder of Coach for YOUR Dreams, is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, writer and speaker. Gladys combines years of experience, training and a genuine commitment to helping nurses, teachers, therapists and other caregiving women to set limits so they have more time, and energy to devote to self-care.
Risk Taking Can Be the Spark That Gets You Moving
Posted by: | CommentsWhen you think of risk, what comes to mind?
Do you have visions of Evil Knievel leaping across Snake River Canyon, someone engaged in hazardous, intense, and foolish actions or do you think of risk taking as an exhilarating, breathtaking and awe-inspiring experience?
Of course, risk can be all those things and more. But it’s really about having the courage to make a decision to experience life fully without fear and limitations. It can also mean that sometimes you just have to take advantage of that once in a lifetime opportunity without limiting yourself by fear.
I took that once in a lifetime opportunity when I signed up for the sea trek excursion while on a recent cruise.
If you’re not familiar with a sea trek, it’s an amazing helmet diving experience. Your guide outfits you in an alien-like contraption that covers your head and shoulders. Once the helmet is in place, you’re then outfitted with a breathing apparatus. The wonderful thing about a sea trek is that you don’t have to swim. And for someone like me who can barely float, taking a walk on the bottom of the sea sounds pretty foolish, doesn’t it. But I knew if I didn’t take this rare opportunity, I might not have another chance to play with some of the most colorful fish and coral imaginable, see firsthand long forgotten shipwrecks, cannons and a sunken Odyssey submarine up close and personal.
Was I afraid? Did I question my sanity? Did I think I might drown?
You bet!
But, I didn’t allow myself to dwell on the fear. Instead, I listened intently to our guide’s instructions, took several deep breaths, and refused to let fear and doubt keep me from an experience of a lifetime! And, I took the “plunge”!
Just as it took courage for me to don that alien looking equipment and go deep down to the bottom of the ocean, it also takes courage to make changes, enter a new relationship, learn to ride a bike, start a business or move to a new city. Even though fear may be present, you can still venture into uncharted waters with confidence and a strong belief that you will survive and thrive.
I’m sure I would forever regret it had I not taken the chance to go on that sea trek! Sure, I could have played it safe and stayed securely on land but I would have missed out on an exciting, fun and spectacular experience. And had I played it safe, I would have let fear rule and prevent me from taking another step forward. Because I faced fear head on, I’m now ready for my next adventure – a hot air balloon ride!
I like to think of taking a risk the same way you start a roaring fire — by igniting the first spark. You can continue thinking of risk as a dangerous, hazardous activity or you can embrace it as something that ignites you to get out from under a cloud of fear, doubt, regret and procrastination. It can lead you to a wealth of new memorable adventures or that ultimate once in a lifetime experience.
So, what will you do today to walk away from your self-limiting safety net and light the spark that moves you to inspired, courageous and exhilarating action?
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family Therapist, Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy to devote to self-care.
Inspirational Video – “Life is Like a Cup of Coffee”
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I enjoy having my morning coffee from one of the unique teacups or mugs that I’ve collected over the years. After watching this video, I was reminded how often we are so focused on the outside trappings that we completely miss out on the most important part – and that’s what’s on the inside.
Does it really matter if you drink your coffee from a styrofoam cup, a delicate teacup or a familiar mug? Whether it’s a cup of coffee or your life – what really matters is what’s on the inside.
So, let’s not confuse what we really want (coffee) with what we think we should have (cup)!
Enjoy!
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson, helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.
It’s Time to De-clutter and Spruce Up Your Life
Posted by: | CommentsFinally, I can see the grass peeking out from under the mounds of snow that accumulated this winter. It’s hard to believe but Spring is just around the corner.
You know what that means…
It’s time to de-clutter and spruce up your life.
photo credit: MarkWallaceimage
And, I don’t just mean your physical surroundings. It doesn’t matter what you’re holding onto past its prime (a relationship gone sour, faded out theater tickets, an assortment of playbills or the jeans that are two sizes too small), it’s time to do a major overhaul – starting from the inside out.
I collect shoes like most people collect antiques or model cars. Yes, I can identify with Imelda Marcus, the ultimate shoe collector. Although I don’t have nearly as many pairs of shoes as Ms. Marcus, I do have my fair share and many more that I can ever wear or need. Maybe you don’t aspire to collect shoes but I bet you have something in your life that’s taking up space – crowding out opportunities, comfort, new experiences and abundance.
Things that no longer serve a useful purpose clutter your mind and life. For example, the woman who says she is ready to attract a husband but her closet and personal space is so filled with her “things” that she has no room for anyone else’s. Where would the mate she wants to attract hang his clothes if her closet is already jam packed? Where would he place his personal belongings if every nook and cranny is filled with memorabilia, her books, and her other “stuff”?
The same holds true for mental clutter. Mental clutter is when you are consumed with negative limiting thoughts about what you can do or become, focused on what others think rather than what you desire, stuck on “what if” scenarios instead of purposely moving forward. The result is you crowd out the space for new ideas, creativity and success.
It’s time to de-clutter and spruce up your life.
Imagine holding on to every negative thought, every dormant idea, or every toxic relationship that’s taking up your precious psychic space. For example, every time you visit a website on your computer, you store something called cookies on your hard drive and eventually if you don’t get rid of them, your computer slows down to a crawl. In the same way that the cookies on your computer clog productivity, your mental capacity is diminished and ineffective if you don’t de-clutter and purge. Replace the drama queens, the relentless pessimist and the attention-seeking addict with positive, encouraging and supportive friends or just as cookies slow down your computer, you’ll bring your own progress to a screeching halt.
So, clear out that shoe closet, purge the mounds of other “stuff” and mental clutter that’s taking up your spaces leaving little or no room for you to attract the important things you say you really want.
Take a look around at your surroundings. Where can you start to de-clutter and spruce up your life so you’ll be ready for Spring?
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified life coach, family therapist and group coaching specialist, Gladys M. Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. To get self-care tips and more, start by getting your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life
5 Easy Changes to Make Your Self-Care a Top Priority
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I’m sure you remember the familiar flight attendant reminding you to make sure your oxygen mask is on before attempting to help your seatmate. Well, the same holds true for you and your self-care. If you don’t take good care of yourself, you won’t have the energy, desire or time to help those you care about.
I hear the same story over and over from women who bought into the excuse that they just “don’t have enough time” to make self care a top priority.
Often times, neglecting self-care leads to undue stress and other physical ailments such as high blood pressure, poor sleep patterns and a lack of energy. I recently spoke to a woman who was irritable, sleeping poorly, lacked energy and was borderline hypertensive. Yet, she could not make the connection between her symptoms and the need for self-care.
When you take time for self-care, you not only feel better but you also avoid emotional distress and physical ailments.
If you’ve put your self-care on the back burner, you can now move it to front and center by using these 5 easy changes to make your self-care a top priority:
- Commit to putting “me time” on your busy schedule at least once a week to indulge in a soothing massage, relaxing manicure or leisurely bath.
- Get up 15 minutes earlier than usual for some quiet time to meditate, pray or write in your journal. Early morning is a good time to get centered for the hectic day ahead.
- Instead of watching the late night news or putting in that last load of laundry, use the last half-hour of the evening to unwind and relax.
- Turn off your computer and phone for an hour. The world won’t stop spinning. Use this time for redirection, reflection and refocusing.
- Take a daily 5-10 minute break to relax with a soothing cup of tea or other beverage so that your mind and body has an opportunity to slow down and rejuvenate.
“There is no shame in giving to oneself, especially since it aids in having enough to give others.” ~ Rachel Arlene Singh
None of these tips take a lot of time out of your day. And, once you make your self-care a priority, I’m sure you’ll discover that you have more energy to take care of all the other demands made on you and your time.
Until next time…
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified life coach, family therapist and group coaching specialist, Gladys M. Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care. To get more self-care tips, start by getting your FREE copy of Building Strong Boundaries to Create Breathing Space in Your Hectic Life
What You’re Looking For is Right There in Front of You
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Have you ever misplaced something in your house and found it was right there in front of you all the time?
How annoying is that?
This morning I opened the door to get the morning paper and immediately realized I didn't have on my glasses. While I won't look across the room and mistake you for a creature from outer space, I do need glasses to read. But, I'm constantly misplacing them. This morning was one of those times.
If you've ever played the game hide and seek, you can identify with my frustration when I can't locate my glasses. Hide and seek is a fun game children play. In the game, one person is designated as it; and is charged with finding the hiders. First, someone is picked to be it, then he/she turns around and counts to 20-30 with their eyes closed while everyone else hides. When it says ready or not, here I come - the hunt for the hiders begins.
So I start my familiar hide and seek game with me being the it looking for the hiders (my glasses).
Are they hiding in the bedroom?
Maybe they are under a blanket? Are they hiding in the corner of my desk?
Where could they be?
I go from room to room until I return to my original spot downstairs, thinking I may have overlooked the obvious hiding place. Still no luck. Finally, when I'm about ready to give up, I spot my glasses right there on the kitchen counter next to where I made coffee. This scenario happens often. And today, it reminds me of how often we're looking for things that are right in front of us - things like our success, motivation, time and energy.
Take a moment now to see if any of these things are right there in front of you:
- The awesomeness of a magnificent sunset
- The beauty in a picturesque sunrise
- A favorite painting that invigorates you
- Fond memories that revive feelings of joy
- An overwhelming feeling of gratitude for abundance
- The soothing aroma of fresh perked coffee
- The smell of freshly cut grass
So when you're frustrated searching for something you've misplaced, remember what you're looking for may already be right there in front of you!
Until next time...
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Certified Life Coach, Family Therapist and Group Coaching Specialist, Gladys M. Anderson helps nurses, teachers, social workers, therapists and other care-giving women to set limits so they have more time, more joy and more energy for self-care.