Archive for Personal Life Coaching
The Living Quilt
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I’ve always been fascinated with the patterns, colors and designs in quilts. Quilt making is one of the things on my to-do-list and it’s inching its way closer to the top of the list. I’ve taken the first step already and enrolled in a quilting class starting in a few weeks!
The intricate patterns of a skillfully woven quilt depict stories of struggles, joys, celebrations, messages, challenges and endings very similar to the days of our lives. We weave in and out of connections daily, giving little thought to the impressions we make on others, or how others affect us. If we take the time to be honest with ourselves, our interactions with others would certainly take us on a different journey.
African history tells us of oral traditions being passed down generation after generation using colors, embedded messages, symbols and elaborate designs to send coded messages to those attempting to escape slavery through the Underground Railroad; oftentimes, at the risk of death or at least serious injury. Just as the Africans used quilting to endure the hardship of slavery as a means of escape and survival, we, too send embedded messages and pass them along to others and our descendants. Although, we no longer need to design elaborate coded messages to ensure our communication is received; nevertheless, coded emotional messages are being proliferated among us on a daily basis.
How interesting to note the similarity of this ancient art form of quilting to our present day lives. Our lives are full of daily pressures, challenges, beginnings, endings, joyfulness and sorrow. Everyday, we send and receive a multitude of messages based on our experiences and thoughts – some explicitly sent, others sent underhandedly but messages just the same. Do we consider the explicit and underground messages we send to our children, friends, love ones, and casual acquaintances? We design elaborate coded message into the quilt of our lives every day.
When we recognize that it takes a variety of stitches and patterns to form the fabric of our lives, we will embrace the diversity of ourselves and do the same for others. And, by doing so, we present and receive a more authentic interaction.
Our underground code of silence, our reluctance to disclose our authentic thoughts and feelings, outright denial, and codified messages deceives others and us alike. To be our authentic selves, we must take risks — a risk that someone will judge us severely, dislike us or our comments, or ask questions we are disinclined to answer. Being authentic involves taking a major risk but taking that risk and breaking the pattern of duplicity is also welcome relief. It opens the way for us to tell our story in an honorable and genuine way and in the process gives others the opportunity to tell theirs.
It takes a variety of well thought out stitches to complete each section of a quilt as was done in quilting bees of yesterday. Oftentimes it took many hands working together to form a unified design. One piece of fabric alone cannot become a quilt. We cannot afford to be disjointed, isolated, unreachable, and unapproachable to those who make up our living quilt. All of us are all interconnected and the sooner we begin to authentically acknowledge each others’ triumphs as well as struggles, it is then and only then, will we be able to unite and pass the intricately diverse quilt of life onto our family, friends and descendants.
I encourage you to get your free 7 daily self care tips when you join our Self Care Circle where you will gain more insight, tools and resources to help you stitch your living quilt.
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, consultant, workshop facilitator and author of the soon to be published book, “Master the Genie Within”. She coaches women in the art of saying no and how to protect their precious time and energy by setting strong boundaries to create a uniquely crystal clear vision for the satisfying careers and relationships they truly want.
Silent Agreements You Make With Yourself
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greement is defined as coming to a mutual arrangement, the state of being in accord or an arrangement that is accepted by all parties to a transaction.
There are many types of agreements that we enter into such as a legal contract, an agreement to provide a service or product or an agreement to give or do a favor for someone and then there are the silent agreements we make with ourselves.
Silent agreements rob you of your voice and power and often guide you into making decisions that are counterproductive to your true wishes.
Silent agreements are the unspoken rules and beliefs that you internalize about how, why and what things you allow to influence you. These agreements are not legal or binding. No one has forced, persuaded or cajoled you into making these agreements.
Some of the silent agreements that may hinder, limit or influence your life are:
- Taking responsibility for everything and everyone in your life. For example, when you take on more and more responsibility than is yours, you’ll find yourself running on the hamster wheel until you wear yourself out. Allow others to be responsible for the things that they are responsible for.
- Staying stuck because of fear and doubt – Fear of being accepted, loved, validated or liked will show up in how you relate to the people in your life and the choices you make.
- Pleasing everyone but yourself – When you are busy making sure that everyone is happy and getting along, how happy are you in that role?
- Saying “yes” when you really want to say “no”. Learning to say no and mean it is an empowering act that increases your confidence.
- Using disparaging comments about yourself.
You may not be consciously aware that you’ve made these silent agreements with yourself. But with a little digging, you can uncover these silent agreements, make new affirming agreements and be on your way to revealing your true self.
Here are a few suggestions to get you started:
- Take responsibility for only those things you have absolute control of.
- Use affirmations, positive self-talk to overcome fear and self-doubt.
- Learn to use no as a complete sentence without explanation when saying yes infringes unduly on your time, energy and desires.
- Make sure your needs register on the priority scale. Carve out some “self-care” time to replenish your energy and clear your mind of clutter.
- Use empowering words like, “I choose” instead of “I have to” so that you are expressing clearly what you want, can do and are willing to accept.
Our silent agreements only serve to deceive others and us as we hide our true selves.
To learn more about how silent agreements influence your daily life and to uncover your true self, I encourage you to start by getting your free 7 daily self care tips when you join our Self Care Circle where you will gain more insight, tools and resources to help you on your journey.
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, consultant, workshop facilitator and author of the soon to be published book, “Master the Genie Within”. She coaches women in the art of saying no and how to protect their precious time and energy by setting strong boundaries to create a uniquely crystal clear vision for the satisfying careers and relationships they truly want.
10 Ways to Improve Your Listening Skills
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March was International Listening Awareness Month but every month is a good time to check how well you listen.
What with the endless supply of texts messages, abbreviations and acronyms we use to communicate, it’s no wonder our listening skills fall short.
Listening is the process of receiving, constructing meaning from and responding to spoken and/or nonverbal messages.
In the early years of marriage, my husband often accused me of not listening. Of course, I denied, explained and defended my listening skills repeatedly. Fortunately, I learned that hearing is not the same as fully listening.
According to the International Listening Association, only about 50% of what we hear is retained immediately after we hear it and only 20% after that.
So in honor of International Listening Awareness Month, I’ve compiled a list of ways to become a more effective listener:
- Maintain eye contact – eye contact keeps you focused on the conversation at hand and keeps you involved
- Focus on using inviting body language, such as making eye contact, uncrossing your arms, and turning your shoulders so you’re facing the person speaking. Use your body to show your interest and concern such as nodding year head.
- Avoid thinking about what you’re going to say next. Try not to get ahead of the speaker by finishing his or her thoughts in your mind before the person is finished speaking
- Participate in active listening by encouraging the speaker with nods and affirmative words.
- Paraphrase and repeat what you heard when it’s your turn to talk. Don’t interrupt – If you’re interrupting the person speaking to get your point across, you’re not listening
- Ask questions or request examples for clarification and to get a better understanding of what is being said.
- Stop doing other things — fidgeting, texting, reading, etc., — while someone is speaking to you.
- Focus on content, not delivery. If you find yourself counting the number of times someone clears their throat, touches their nose or says uh, your attention is not on the subject matter and you need to refocus more on the message.
- Ask open ended questions. Closed questions close the door to further conversation by giving a yes or no answer. Whereas, open questions allow for access to further dialogue. For example, the speaker might say, “I don’t like my hair” The listener might respond, “What about your hair don’t you like?” or, “Tell me more about your feelings regarding your hair”.
- Pay close attention to a speaker’s body language – posture, eye movement and facial expressions. This will give you cues to the meaning behind the words being spoken and what he or she is really trying to convey.
Communication skills can easily be lost in the sea of instant messages, shorthand-speak and abbreviations we have become accustomed to using. Unfortunately, these shortcut ways of speaking deprives us of meaningful connections and stimulating conversations.
Even though International Listening Awareness month is over, we can still use these tips to help improve our listening skills.
And, while you’re here, please take a moment to join our Self-Care Circle and get your free audios of 7 Daily Self-Care Tips to Renew Your Body, Soul and Spirit.
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, consultant, workshop facilitator and author of the soon to be published book, “Master the Genie Within”. She coaches women in the art of saying no and how to protect their precious time and energy by setting strong boundaries to create a uniquely crystal clear vision for the satisfying careers and relationships they truly want. In her spare time, Gladys loves to travel and experience new and exciting adventures. She is an amateur genealogist, avid reader, loves “techy” stuff, and enjoys reading mystery novels.
Quotes and other Life Lessons
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For years, I’ve subscribed to Readers Digest. I especially enjoy the courageous and inspiring stories, adventures, healthy living tips, jokes and quotes.
I have quite a collection of inspirational quotes I’ve gathered over the years from a variety of other sources.
Here are some of my favorites:
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw
Many times I’ve heard people say things like, “I’ve just got to find out what I want to do with my life” or “I need to find out how to … [fill in the blank] Your life is not about “finding” anything. Nothing is lost! You already have everything within you that you need to life an abundant and fulfilling life. What I understand about this quote is that you create the life you want by taking charge. You make decisions based on what’s best for you. And you are not defined by self-imposed limitations.
“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
Confidence comes by stepping outside the box, taking risks and being open to new experiences.
“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” – Maya Angelou
You have the power to change anything in your life, including your attitude and responses. Once you embrace that thought, you are empowered and operate at a higher level of consciousness.
“The state of your life is nothing more than a reflection of your state of mind” – Wayne Dyer
A quote from Mike Dooley of www.tut.com blog states, “thoughts become things”- choose the good ones”. Your thoughts are the driving force behind your actions, reactions, decisions and beliefs. When thoughts become stressful, unproductive and negative, they infiltrate every action and reaction. Choose good thoughts.
“Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step”. – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.
Whether it’s pursuing you dream job, writing a book, or accomplishing any other goal, you must have confidence and a strong belief that you will succeed. Take baby steps towards your goal and as you master each step, you get closer to the top.
“Every person naturally wants to become all that they are capable of becoming; this desire to realize innate possibilities is inherent in human nature; we cannot help wanting to be all that we can be.” – Wallace Wattle
We all have within us everything we will ever need to be successful, happy and abundantly. You need only to tap into your inherent talents, resources and strengths to create your best life. When you uncover the imagination, creativity intuition already inside of you, you discover who you really are and who you are destined to be.
“Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the Ark. Professionals built the Titanic. –Anonymous
When you are open to new possibilities and experiences, innumerable opportunities become available. You don’t have to wait until you’re “smart enough”, “bold enough” or “good enough” to risk trying something new.
Quotes and life lessons are valuable resources to have in your toolbox to motivate, uplift your spirits and even put a smile on your face.
And, should you like more quotes and other life lessons like these, join our Self-Care Circle and get your free audios of 7 Daily Self-Care Tips to Renew Your Body, Soul and Spirit http://7dailyselfcaretips.com
Gladys Anderson, Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage and family therapist, consultant, workshop facilitator and author of the soon to be published book, “Master the Genie Within”. She coaches women in the art of saying no and how to protect their precious time and energy by setting strong boundaries to create a uniquely crystal clear vision for the satisfying careers and relationships they truly want. In her spare time, Gladys loves to travel and experience new and exciting adventures. She is an amateur genealogist, avid reader, loves “techy” stuff, and enjoys reading mystery novels.
Tap Into Your Inner Wizard to Overcome Fear and Doubt
Posted by: | CommentsYou might wish you had enough courage live authentically, write a best selling novel or live with purpose and authority. You might long for loving, fulfilling relationships with your partner, family and friends. Or you think you don’t know the answers to the probing questions you have.
The answers you’re looking for already within you. You already have the intelligence, courage and confidence to achieve your hearts desire.
But doubt and fear have you stuck so that you can’t find your way back to the happiness and success you desire.
No matter what other dreams you have, being happy is a dream most people share.
Yet, a lot of people are “unhappy”, given up on their dreams, constantly overwhelmed, confused and lack the strength to implement changes in their lives.
Often, underneath this unhappiness is fear coupled with limiting beliefs that cloud their thinking about what is possible.
And, they’re looking for answers everywhere but within themselves.
Everything you want is already within your grasp if you only look deep inside to find it.
Do you remember “The Wizard of Oz” movie where all the characters thought they could get what they needed from the Wizard?
The Scarecrow thought he needed a brain
The Tin Man thought he didn’t have a heart
The Cowardly Lion thought he had no courage
Dorothy wanted to find a way to go home
As it turned out, everything they wanted and needed was already there within them. All they had to do was look inside for the answers. The answers were buried deep in their thoughts. Once the doubt, fear and limiting beliefs are pushed aside, the scarecrow realized his brain was functioning just fine; the tin man figured out he was capable of showing emotions; the cowardly lion recognized he was already brave; and Dorothy discovered she simply had to click the ruby red slippers she already wore to get back home.
Just like the Wizard of Oz characters, your inner wizard is standing by ready, willing and able to give you a gentle nudge to remind you that everything you want in life is already within your grasp.
And to get you bouncing down the yellow brick road, here are some tips to help you tap into your heart’s desires:
- To get happy, be happy. I know that sounds overly simplistic but the reality is you become what you think. Don’t allow negativity, doubt and fear keep you from being happy. If you want more joy in your life, think uplifting thoughts.
- To have more, be grateful for what you already have. Remember, a closed fist is not open to receiving. Open yourself up to receive the abundance the universe has in store for you. The more you show gratitude for what you already have, the more room you have to receive.
- Keep dreaming. Your dreams can motivate you to take action towards your unique desires. If you can dream it, you can achieve it. No one can take away your dream or live it. Whatever you desire, start now putting in place the steps to get you there.
- Surround yourself with people who are uplifting, supportive and encouraging to keep you motivated.
Remember Dorothy, the Tin man, the Cowardly Lion and the Scarecrow…They all had self-doubt, fear and limiting thoughts about themselves and what they could do that thwarted what they really wanted. But in the end, it was their inner wizard that showed them how to live confidently, courageously and step boldly into the lives that were already destined for them.
And, for support in discovering your inner wizard, I invite you to join our Self Care Circle where you will you’ll get helpful tips on living well, gems of insight and advance notice of my blog posts, events and programs.
Gladys Anderson, Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, consultant, workshop facilitator and author of the soon to be published book, “Master the Genie Within”. She coaches women in the art of saying no and how to protect their precious time and energy by setting strong boundaries to create a uniquely crystal clear vision for the satisfying careers and relationships they truly want. In her spare time, Gladys loves to travel and experience new and exciting adventures. She is an amateur genealogist, avid reader, loves “techy” stuff, and especially enjoys reading mystery novels.
10 Inspirational Tips to Give Yourself a Boost
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Most of us can use a little push, from time to time, to help us shift our mood and lift our spirits when we’re bored, drained, and sluggish.
While your energy level might be low and you feel unmotivated, you don’t have to stay that way!
Here are some easy tips you can follow to give yourself a boost to inspire, encourage and rejuvenate your mind, body and spirit:
- Start a gratitude journal. Write down 5 things you are grateful for each day. Showing appreciation for the things you already have keeps you from dwelling on lack and scarcity.
- Try out a new hairdo – nothing perks you up like a new “do” to uplift your spirits
- Listen to some up-tempo music – this is not the time for ballads and blues – you want inspiration, not something to put you down in the dumps.
- Visit a walk-in salon and get a manicure, pedicure or facial to rejuvenate you.
- Re-connect with a friend or neighbor to enjoy a cup of coffee or soothing up of tea.
- Put on your dancing shoes – go dancing with someone who likes to dance. A salsa or Zumba class is a great activity to get you moving and at the same time have some fun.
- Go to your local library – select a good inspirational book, sit quietly and read for an hour or borrow a comedic video to enjoy at home in your favorite chair with your feet up.
- Take a walk around your neighborhood – Carry a camera with you as you walk around your neighborhood to capture memorable moments. You might be pleasantly surprised at the things you miss while driving.
- Write down your thoughts, ideas and musings in an attractive journal so you’ll have a record of all the great ideas you come up with.
- Browse your bookshelf or magazine rack – There just might be a book or magazine there you’ve been meaning to read. Select one and immerse yourself in it for an hour.
And, if you would like more inspiration and motivation tips, I invite you to become a member of our Self-Care Circle and get your free audios of 7 Daily Self-Care Tips to Renew Your Body, Soul and Spirit http://7dailyselfcaretips.com
Gladys Anderson - Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, consultant, workshop facilitator and author of the soon to be published book, “Master the Genie Within”. She coaches women in the art of saying no and how to protect their precious time and energy by setting strong boundaries to create a uniquely crystal clear vision for the satisfying careers and relationships they truly want. In her spare time, Gladys loves to travel and experience new and exciting adventures. She is an amateur genealogist, avid reader, loves “techy” stuff, and enjoys reading mystery novels.
How Problems, Patterns and Perceptions Influence Your Behaviors
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If you’re anything like a lot of people, you’ve had your share of problems. And, that could be anything from a pesky leaky faucet to totaling your new car.
In the book, Power is Within You, written by the wise Louise Hays, she talks about how the problems we have with our cars may suggest some inner issue that we have not faced. For example, if you’re feeling stuck and can’t seem to move forward, that feeling might show up in the form of a flat tire preventing you from getting to your destination.
And, just as you would call your local auto club or a friend to fix your tire, you must call on your inner reserves and delve deep into the patterns and perceptions you embrace to repair the irrational beliefs that are keeping you stuck.
Maybe you believe you can’t do anything right. You may regularly find yourself making mistakes that you label “stupid or dumb” such as forgetting to put the trash out on trash day. That’s a simple mistake that can easily be remedied and has nothing to do with your capabilities or worth.
Whether you believe it or not, the events that occur in our lives are directly connected to what we believe about the world, other people and ourselves.
We simply assume that the way we see things is the way they really are or the way they should be. And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of these assumptions – Stephen Covey
Here are a few things to consider about problems, patterns and perceptions:
1. Inspect Your Expectations
Make a conscious effort to place realistic expectations on yourself and others. Try your best to consider the other person’s perspective. Ask yourself is your expectation is the result of a pattern or perception that the other person is not aware of. For example, your expectation might be that your daughter should rearrange her plans to take you to the mall today. Your may think that because she is your daughter, she should accommodate your request. If the word “should” enters your thoughts, it’s because you’re operating out of expectations.
2. Revise Your Patterns
A pattern is simply a blueprint of things you’ve always done. For example, if you’ve “always” hosted Sunday dinner for your in-laws, you’ve established a Sunday pattern. If you’ve ever sewn anything, you know that any pattern can easily be altered. The way to change a pattern is to measure and compare. Grade yourself on a scale of 1-10 as to whether or not you feel obligated, coerced or put upon by continuing this pattern,(with 10 being the most you are vested in sticking to the original pattern). If you find you’re stuck in a pattern that no longer works for you, change it to something that fits better with your timetable and lifestyle. And, of course, you can always say NO to anything you really don’t want to do!
3. Pesky Problems
Sometimes what we view as problems are nothing more than a bump in the road. It’s not a problem when you’re running late for an appointment and discover you have a flat tire. It’s an inconvenience. When your computer freezes up on you in the middle of a document, it’s not a problem. It’s an inconvenience. Many times we label inconveniences as problems when, in fact, it’s our perception and attitudes that allow “problems” to dictate our behavior and responses. It’s all about how you perceive them. If you view something as a problem, it will be a problem. But if you reframe it as an inconvenience, you know that it’s temporary and won’t change the course of your life.
Most of the time, it’s our perceptions and expectations that create “problems” and establish patterns that no longer fit. For more tips about how to align your perceptions with realistic expectations, visit http://cooachforyourdreams.com/blog
Gladys Anderson, Life Coach, Therapist, Author
Gladys M. Anderson is a certified life coach, licensed marriage & family therapist, consultant, workshop facilitator and author of the soon to be published book, “Master the Genie Within”. She coaches women in the art of saying no and how to protect their precious time and energy by setting strong boundaries to create a uniquely crystal clear vision for the satisfying careers and relationships they truly want.